WHAT IS A FRIEND?

EVERYONE WANTS THEM AND EVERYONE THINKS THAT THEY HAVE THEM UNTIL YOU HIT A HARD SPOT. A HARD SPOT IN WHICH YOU NEED SOMEONE TO BE THERE EVERYDAY TO BE YOUR BACKBONE, TO GIVE YOU ADVICE, AND TO JUST LISTEN. AND THEY MAYBE THERE FOR ALL THAT. THEY GIVE YOU ADVICE WHEN YOU HAVIN RELATIONSHIP ISSUES BUT THEN WHEN YOU PHYSICALLY NEED THEM TO BE THERE THEY AINT. I MEAN IT IS COMPLETLY POINTLESS TO HAVE A HALF ASS FRIEND. OK SOOO I GUESS YOU ARE WONDERING WHAT A HALF ASS FRIEND IS..... A HALF ASS FRIEND IS A FRIEND THAT IS ONLY THERE WHEN THEY WANT TO BE THERE. THEY ONLY COME AROUND WHEN THEY GOT TIME. BUT IF YOU AND THEN ARE TOGETHER AND THEY FEEL AS THOUGH YOU MAY HAVE ###### UP THEY NIGHT THEY DISMISS YOU AND THINK NOTHING ABOUT IT. THEY THE TYPE OF PEOPLE WHO MAKE YOU FEEL BAD WHEN YOU HAVE DONE SOMETHING THAT WASNT TO THEY LIKING....WELL THEY DONT MAKE YOU FEEL BAD THEY MAKE YOU FEEL LIKE ####. LIKE YOU ARE THE WORSE PERSON IN THE WORLD....BUT AS SOON AS THEY TURN AROUND AND DO SOMETHING TO YOU TO PROVE THAT THEY ARENT LOYAL THEY WANT YOU TO FORGET THE ISSUE AND ACT AS IF NOTHING HAPPEN..... THAT IS WHAT A HALF ASS FRIEND IS......BUT JUST SO YOU KNOW THEY ARE EVERYWHERE. YOU WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO ESCAPE THE FACT THAT MOSRT PEOPLE WHOM YOU THINK ARE YOUR FRIENDS AINT YOUR FRIENDS UNTIL THEY NEED YOU....NOT WHEN YOU NEED THEM. THIS WAS A LESSON THAT I HAD TO LEARN. AND I HAD TO LEARN THE HARD WAY.....LIFE ISNT...WELL YOUR LIFE ISNT ABOUT YOUR FRIENDS IT IS ABOUT YOU. YOU CANT DEPEND OR RELY ON ANYONE TO WORRY ABOUT YOU BUT YOU....SOOOO I HAD TO LEARN TO STOP BEING IN THIS WORLD FOR OTHER PEOPLE BUT TO BE IN IT FOR ME....WELL I CANT SAY THAT I HAVE LEARNED IT ALL THE WAY YET BECAUSE I DONT....BUT I NEED TO STOP ALLOWIN PEOPLE TO INFLUENCE MY LIFE.....BUT SINCE THIS HAS TURNED INTO A A WHOLE BIG THING IMMA END THIS NOW BY SAYING THAT A FRIEND IS ......I MAY NEVER KNOW. THE WORLD IS FILLED WITH PEOPLE WHOM YOU MAY WANT TO BE YOUR FRIEND BUT IN THE END THEY DO NOT HAVE THE QUALIFICATIONS TO BE YOUR FRIEND...DONT JUST SETTLE FOR A HALF ASS FRIEND...YOU OWE IT TO YOURSELF TO HAVE SOMEONE IN YOUR LIFE WHO TREATS YOU AND CARES FOR YOU JUST AS MUCH AS YOU CARE FOR THEM.....

WHAT A PERSON

WOW I HAVENT BEEN ON HERE IN SOOOOO LONG.....LMAOOO LAST TIME I WROTE SOMETHIN I LOST TWO GOOD FRIENDS...I MEAN I HAD TO LET OUT WAT I HAD TO LET OUT BUT I GUESS MY APOLOGY WASNT GOOD ENOUGH TO THEM...SO THERE AINT TO MUCH I CAN DO NOW......BUT WAT IS THIS BLOG ABOUT TONIGHT....THS BLOG IS ABOUT ONE PERSON THAT I HAVENT SHOWED ANY LOVE TO IN A LONG TIME...THIS PERSON HAS BEEN HERE WAY BEFORE ANY FEMALE THAT I AHVE EVA WROTE ABOUT....THIS PERSON IS THE ONLY ONE WHO ALWAYS HAS MY BACK...EVEN WHEN I AM WRONG...WHICH BE MOST THE TIME BUT NO ONE NEEDS TO KNOW THAT...BUT ANYWAY I GUESS EVERYONE IS WONDERIN WHO THIS INFAMOUS PERSON IS.......(A DRUM ROLLL) AND THE AWARD FOR THE BEST PERSON IN MY LIFE GOES TO V AKA MY SIMBA...LMAOOOO U THOUGHT U WAS ABOUT TO SEE UR NAME DIDNT U???? UMMM NOPE....V U ARE MY BEST FRIEND...U HAVE PROVEN TO ME THAT I CAN COUNT ON U ALWAYS...REGARDLESS WATS GOING ON WIT ME AND YOU PERSONALLY U NEVA ALLOW IT TO MESS UP OUR FRIENDSHIP.... LIKE WE CAN BE ARGUIN EVERYDAY BUT AS SOON AS I CALL U WITH A PROBLEM U ALWAYS PUT ASIDE OUR DIFFERENCES AND U HELP ME WITH MY ISSUE...YOUR THE FIRST PERSON I CALL WHENEVA I AM HAPPY SAD OR ANGRY...BASICALLY ANY OTHER FEELING THEN NORMAL YOUR THE FIRST PERSON I CALL. I STRIVE TO MAKE YOU PROUD OF ME AND WHEN I KNOW THAT I DIDNT GET YOUR APPROVAL IN THE SITUATION I FEEL LIKE I HAVE COMPLETLY FAILED.....V YOU DONT REALIZE HOW MUCH YOU MEAN TO ME (NOT ON NO SEXUAL SHIT NEITHER), WHEN I LIED TO YOU I DID IT NOT KNOWIN IT WOULD HAVE SUCH A BIG AFFECT N OUR RELATIONSHIP...BUT THE THING IS YOUR STILL HERE. YOU HAVE GIVEN ME SOMETHING THAT NO ONE IN MY LIFE HAS EVER GIVEN ME AND THATS A STABILE RELATIONSHIP....WHENEVER A PERSON LEAVES YOUR ALWAYS THERETO PICK UP WHERE I FEEL EMPTY...WHEN A GIRL BREAKS MY HEART YOU HAVE BEEN THERE TO PUT THE PEICES BACK TOGETHER.....YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I CAN HONESTLY SAY I NEED IN MY LIFE...AND IF YOU AINT IN MY LIFE THEN LIFE AINT RIGHT...LMAOOOO YOUR ONE IN A MILLION...YOUR PERSONALITY BANGIN....YOU HAVE NEVER TURNED YOUR BACK ON ME...AND YOU NEVA SUGAR COAT A THING. YOU ALWAYS HAVE BEEN THE ONE TO TELL ME THE TRUTH...REGARDLESS IF YOU KNOW THAT MY FEELINGS MIGHT BE HURT YOU STILL TELL ME BECAUSE U HAVE NEVER TOLD ME ANYTHING WRONG......VENITA I WANNA BE UR EVERYTHING...I HOPE THAT I HAVE AT LEAST BEEN HALF OF THE FRIEND THAT YOU HAVE BEEN...WHEN I BE KICKIN MY SMOOTH LINES TO YOU THEY DONT BE JUST SMOOTH LINES FOR THE BOOK THEY BE HOW I BE REALLY FEELING...V I WISH I COULD GO BACK IN TIME AND WE COULD BE A COUPLE..LMAOOO EVEN THOUGH I WOULD NEVER WANT TO RUIN OUR FRIENDSHIP I JUST LOVE YOU SOOO MUCH...LIEK I CAN SAY NOW THAT ALL THE THINGS I HAVE ATTEMPTED TO START WITH OTHER PEOPLE THEY NEVER WORK BECAUSE I CANT GET YOU OUT MY MIND.....I CAN NEVA GIVE A PERSON 100% BECAUSE I WANT YOU....SIMBA YOU JUST DONT KNOW...I HOPE THAT YOU COULD ONE DAY FORGIVE ME FOR THE LIES AND GIVE ME ANOTHER CHANCE....I KNOW THAT I CAN DO RIGHT BY YOU AND I KNOW THAT WE WOULD MAKE A GOOD TEAM.... BUT TRUST AINT NO RUSH... I AM ALWAYS GOING TO BE HERE....SO WE HAVE TIME....WE GOT 2 KIDS TOGETHER...LMAOOOO AND SINCE WE GOT THEM WE GOTTA TALK...LMAOOO BUT LIKE I SAID YOUR ARE THE BEST PERSON IN MY LIFE RIGHT NOW AND ALWAYS....I LOVE YOU TO DEATH BABI...YOU MEAN THE WORLD TO ME....AND JUST KNOW WE WORKING ON YOUR TIME...WHENEVA YOUR READI FOR ME TO HAVE THAT SPOT IN YOUR HEART I WILL BE HERE READY AND WILLIN....V I LOVE YOU.....NALA+SIMBA=MY PRIDE LAND

GOIN TO SLEEP TO DREAM

BABI I AM ABOUT TO GO TO SLEEP TO DREAM OF YOU...DREAM ABOUT THE BLESSING THAT I NOW HAVE IN MY LIFE...YOU ARE TRULY A BLESSING. LIKE YOU BEEN IN MY LIFE BEFORE YOU WAS ACTUALLY IN MY LIFE AND LIKE THAT MAKES ME LOVE YOU MORE....YOU ALWAYS SEEM TO BE ON MY SIDE EVEN WHEN YOUR MAD....YOU ALWAYS GOT MY BACK....EVEN IF YOU DONT KNOW WHATS ACTUALLY GOING ON I KNOW THAT I CAN COUNT ON YOU....YOU SAID TO ME THE OTHER NIGHT BABY I AM PROUD OF YOU.....THAT MEANT SOOOO MUCH TO ME...NO ONE EVER LETS ME KNOW THAT THEY AE PROUD OF ME BUT THEY ARE QUICK TO DOG ME OUT WHEN I DISGRACE THEM.....SOOO THANK YOU FOR LETTING ME KNOW THAT I AM DOING SOMETHING RIGHT BECAUSE I AT LEAST GOT ONE PERSON TO BE PROUD OF ME.....UM AGAIN I AM SOOO SORRY ABOUT YOUR VISIT I WISH IT WAS BETTER....I HOPE YOU HAD FUN WHEN AT LEAST SPENDING TIME WITH ME.....IF YOU NEVER WANT TO COME BACK IT IS COOL I DO UNDERSTAND BUT JUST KNOW I ONLY WANTED YOU TO HAVE FUN....BUT I AM STILL GLAD YOU CAME...IT WAS THE BEST FEELING IN THE WORLD WAKING UP NEXT TO YOU....HAVING YOU RAG ON HOW BAD MY HAIR LOOKS IN THE MORNING MADE ME LAUGH SOO MUCH INSIDE....EVEN THOUGH YOU NOT A GOOD SPADES PLAYER YOU STILL WAS ALWAYS BE MY PARTNER IN CRIME.....LOL....BUT BABY I LOVE YOU SOO MUCH AND KNOW THAT I TAKE NO ONE WORD OVER YOURS...I HOPE YOU HAVE SEEN THAT OVER THE LAST 2 WEEKS.....OH AND KNOW EVEN THOUGH EVERYONE WANTS TO TELL YOU THAT YOU TREAT ME LIKE SHIT I DONT THINK THAT. YOU TREAT ME HOW A GRIL IS SUPPOSE TO TREAT HER GIRLFRIEND SOOO EVEN IF EVERYONE IS AGAINST US WE GOTTA BE STRONG WITHIN OUR OWN...AS LONG AS YOU CONTINUE TO MAKE MEHAPPY THEN WE WILL BE COOL ON MY END...I HOPE THAT I AM MAKING YOU JUST AS HAPPY THOUGH....UMMM I ONLY WANT THE BEST FOR YOU...SOO IF I AM NOT THE BEST YOU CN LET ME KNO...LOL BUT ANYWAY I LOVE UUUUUUU TO DEATH....GET AT ME BABI.....MODEL

MINDING YOUR OWN FUCKKIN BUSINESS

MY QUESTION TO THE WORLD IS WHY DO PEOPLE HAVE SUCH A HARD TIME MINDING THEIR OWN BUSINESS...LIKE THEY BE SO WORRIED ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE SHIT THAT THEY CAN'T EVEN PAY THEY FUCKING BILLS ON TIME I MEAN BE FUCKING FOR REAL...STAY OUTTA MINE AND WORRY ABOUT YOURS.....LIKE IF I AM IN A RELATIONSHIP AND I DONT FEEL LIKE I AM GETTING TREATED LIKE SHIT THEN STOP TRYING TO PLANT THAT SHIT IN MY MOTHER FUCKING HEAD BECAUSE IT IS NOT FUCKING WORKING....I HAVE TO FIND OUT SHIT ON MY OWN BEFORE I CAN TRULY UNDERSTAND...AND IF WHAT YOU ARE SAYIN IS TRUE IN THE LONG RUN YOU CAN GLADLY SAY I TOLD YOU SOOO BUT YOU TELLING ME WAT I SHOULD AND SHOULDNT DO IS ONLY MAKING ME DO THE OPPOSITE OF WHAT YOU ARE TELLING ME TO DO....YOU TALKING ABOUT MY GIRL TREAT ME LIKE SHIT MANNN YOUR FUCKING GIRL IS MEETING PEOPLE OFF THE INTERNET AND GIVING THEM HER PHONE NUMBER WHILE YOU OUT THERE BUSTING YOUR ASS TRYING TO MAKE A GOOD LIFE FOR HER......STUPID ASS NIGGAS...LIKE BE FOR REAL....I KNOW TO MUCH SHIT ABOUT THE PEOPLE THAT KEEP TALKING SHIT...PLEASE BELIEVE......SOMEONE MOM CANT AND STILL CANT PAY FOR HER SCHOOLING SOO SHE CHANGING SCHOOLS BECAUSE SHE BROKE....HER MOM CANT TAKE CARE OF HER.....UMMMM THE OTHER ONE YOUR ON WELFARE...YOU MAKE 5.15 AND HOUR...YOU PAY NO FUCKIN BILLS AT ALL SOOO JUST SOO YOU KNOW YOU ARE NOT A GROWN ASS WOMAN....YOU STILLA FUCKING BABY BECAUSE YOU GOT SOMEONE PAYING FOR ALL YOUR SHIT......LIKE BE FORREAL...THE TWO MAIN HATERS LMAOOOO YOUR RENT WAS DUE...PLEASE PAY IT THANK YOU.....YOUR HOUSE AINT GOT SHIT IN IT....YOU DONT GOT SHIT BUT A BOX OF BLACKS AND A BEER.....WTF IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE....BOTH OF YALL UGLY WALKIN AROUND THINKIN THEY CUTE...SRRY ARMY FATIGUE WAS PLAYED OUT HOW MANY YEARS AGO...AND THE OTHER YOU GET YOUR FUCKIN KIDS BACK BEFORE YOU EVEN ATTEMPT TO COME AT ME LIKE A MOTHER....LMAOOOOO WHAT DA HELL...YALL ALL WORRIED ABOUT WHATS GOING ON IN MY LIFE WHEN YALL AINT GOT SHIT YALL SELVES....EVERYONE HAS THEY ISSUES NO ONE IS PERFECT...AND AS YOU CAN SEE I MENTIONED NO NAMES BECAUSE I AINT STOOPING THAT LOW BUT CERTAIN PEOPLE KNOW WHO I AM TALKING ABOUT....PLEASE STAY THE FUCK OUTTA MY BUSINESS...I DONT BE IN YOURS...I DONT CARE ABOUT YOURS....I AM A GROWN ASS WOMAN...I BASICALLY DO AS I PLEASE WHEN I PLEASE...SOOO IF I WANT TO STAY IN MY RELATIONSHIP THEN I WILL...IF I WANNA BE LAZY THEN I WILL....BUT ON THE REAL YALL BITCHES LOOKING REAL FUCKING STUPID BECAUSE EVERYDAY THAT YALL ATTEMPT TO BREAK ME.... YOU MAY THINK YOU HAVE SUCCEEDED BECAUSE I GO TO SLEEP LOOKIN SAD BUT TRUST EVERDAY I WAKE UP WITH A SMILE ON MY FACE.....EVERYDAY I WALK AROUND HAPPY...YOU WILL NEVER EVER BREAK ME...SO STOP TRYING.....ITS ME AGAINST THE WORLD...I CAME IN THIS BITCH ALONE AND IM GOING OUT ALONE...IF YOU AINT DOWN TRYIN TO HELP ME BETTER MYSELF...AND TRULY HELP ME BETTER MYSELF THEN U GET THE FUCK OUTTA MY LIFE NOW....AND THAT TRULLY MEAN EVERYONE I DONT CARE WHO THE FUCK YOU ARE....I AM SOOO SERIOUS BECAUSE THE MORE PEOPLE I ALLOW IN MY LIFE THE MORE FUCKED UP IT GETS SOOO PLEASE ELIMINATE YOURSELF NOW BECAUSE IF I GETT TO CUTTING NIGGAZ OUT A OUT PEOPLE GONNA HATE ME....BUT THEN AGAIN I DONT CARE....SOOOO PLEASE IMMA SAY THIS ONE MORE TIME...I AM HAPPY WHERE MY LIFE IS I AM HAPPY IN THE RELATIONSHIP I AM IN BASICALLY I AM JUST A HAPPY MUTHA FUKER.....SO PLEASE MIND YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS BECAUSE THIS SHIT IS PLAYE OUT.....MODEL MANNNN NOT MODEL FUCKING THIS PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUCEMENT HAS COME FROM CHARDAY....GET Y LIVES TOGETHER PEOPLE.

UPDATE ON LIFE

OK SO I HAVENT REALLY POSTED ANYTHING NEW LATELY ABOUT WATS GOING ON WITH ME....WELL A LOT OF SHIT HAS BEEN HAPPEN...WHAT WOULD MY LIFE BE WITHOUT DRAMA....LMAOOO I TRY TO RUN FROM IT BUT IT ALWAYS SEEM TO FIND ME AND KNOCK ON MY DOOR....OK SOOOO LEMME START BY SAYING HEYYYYY TO EVERYONE AND MS. ZOE STRAUSS I HAVE BEEN CALLING YOUR ASS ALL WEEK...AND HAVE YOU ANSWERED NO...WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON...SOOOO SINCE YOUR NOT ANSWERING IMMA LET YOU KNO.....WELLL FIRST ME AND MY BOO ARE STILL GOING STRONG...YES I KNOW YOU DONT KNOW WHO I AM TALKKIN ABOUT...WELL YOU SHOULD IF YOU READ MY BLOG RIGHT...BUT ANYWAY THE ONE I AM TALKIN ABOUT IN THE WE GOTTA MAKE IT WORK BLOG.....OMG ZOE SHE IS AMAZING...YES SHE PISSES ME OFF HELLA CRAZY AT TIMES BUT YOOOO SHE JUST HAD ME ON THE PHONE DYING...SHE IS SUCH A SWEETHEART...WELLL ANYWHO SHE CAME OUT TO VISIT ME LAST WEEK...NEW YORK TO COLLEGE PARK SHE CAME....I WAS SOO HAPPY THAT SHE DID COME I MEAN WE HAD BEEN HAVING OUR ISSUES BUT LIKE I WAS SOOO HAPPY TO FINALLY KNOW THAT SHE WAS HERE....WELL SHE CAME COMPLETE DISASTER...LIKE I FEEL SOO BAD BECAUSE SHE DIDNT TELL ME UNTIL SHE LEFT THAT MY ROOMATES TREATED HER LIKE SHIT....THEY DONT READ THIS BUT IF THEY DID OH WELL...THEY TREATED HER LIKE SHIT AND MADE HER FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE....LIKE SHE TOLD ME THAT I FELT SOO BAD...LIKE THEY WAS ALWAYS TELLING HER SHE TREAT ME LIKE SHIT....LISTEN EVERY RELATIONSHIP HAS THERE ISSUES BUT I AM VERY HAPPY...AND TRUST A BLOG IS COMING ABOUT PEOPLE MINDING THEIR OWN BUSINESS.....BUT ANYWHO THEY WAS SOO MEAN TO HER...SO I AM VERY PISSED BECAUSE THAT IS MY BABY....AND I AM THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN TREAT HER LIKE SHIT.......BUT THATS MY BOO BABI AND I LOVE HER....KATA I KNOW YOU GONNA READ THIS BABI I LOVE U AND I AM SORRY.....BUT ANYWHOOOOO BACK TO WHATS BEEN GOIN ON WIT ME.....UMMM I GOT TWO JOB INTERVIEWS ONE TOMORROW AND ONE NEXT WEEK...I CANT WAIT SOOO PLEASE PRAY FOR ME SOOO THAT HOPEFULLY I GET ONE OR MAYBE EVEN BOTH.....UMMMM WHAT ELSE I HAVE BEEN CHILLING.....LIKE I THINK MY HEALTH IS REGRESSIN A LIL BUT OH WELL I WILL GO TO THE DOCTOR.....BUT UMMMM I HAD A BLAST FROM THE PAST TODAY....REMEMBER THE GIRL WHO PICTURE I SHOWED YOU WHEN WE WAS GETTING READY FOR 1-95....THE SCARY ONE...WELL SHE AND I TALKED TODAY....SCARY YET FUNNY...WE GOT CLOSURE TO OUR SHIT AND WE JUST CHIT CHATTED.....BUT IT WAS AWKWARD BECAUSE I WANTED TO KEEP CALLIN HER A DIFFERENT NAME I HAD TO KEEP CATCHING MYSELF...BUT SHE GOIN TO BE IN ATLANTA IN TWO WEEKS.....(KATA I KNOW DO IT AND I DIE LMAOOOO) BUT I DONT THINK WE GONNA BE HANGIN OUT BECAUSE SHE HURT MY FEELINGS.....BUT ANYWHOOO THINGS HAVENT BEEN GOING TO GOOD IN MY HOUSE.....BUT YOU KNOW ME I PUT UP WITH ANYTHING.....BEST FRIEND IS GREAT....IM SUPPOSE TO BE COMING UP THERE TO HELP HER MOM HANDLE SOME FOSTER CARE THINGS THIS MONTH SOMETIME.....UMMM ADOPTED MOM AND ME ARE REALLI COOL RIGHT NOW....SHE TOLD ME I CAN MOVE HOME....HEHEHEHE. BIO MOM ACTUALLY SENT ME MONEY.....BUT THEN THRU IT IN MY FACE SOOO WE NOT REALLY SPEAKIN...LIKE WE IS BUT WE NOT BUT WE IS...YOU KNOW HOW SHE DOES....LMAOOOOO BUT OTHER THAN THAT IM JUST CHARDAY..BEING ME BEING A CLOWN...I KINDA WANNA MOVE BACK UP NORTH....BUT I KNOW IMMA HEAR A SPEECH SOOOO IF I DONT GET A JOB BEFORE MY BEST FRIEND BUYS MY TICKET TO PHILADELPHIA IM COMING HOME FOR GOOD...BUT IF I GET ONE AND I AM PRAYING TO GOD I DO IMMA STAY OUT HERE...BUT I THINK THATS IT.....MS. STRAUSS I LOVE U AND I AM STILL WAITIN FOR A COPY OF MY GOD DAMN MOVIE...HOWS THE BOOK? HOW LYNN BLOOM?MOM? SAVANNAH?CHRISTINE?LAURA (FROM THE SIXERS)? I THINK THATSIT IF I FORGOT ANY1...OH WAIT HOW IS ALL INTERNS? BUT UMMM I AM GOOD GET AT ME.....OH I CHANGED YAHOO.....LETUSBE063008@YAHOO.COM.BYE LOVE U......

JUST THROW ME IN THE TRASH...DON'T MISS...JUST BALL ME UP....YOU HAVE USED ME TILL THERE WAS NO LONGER AND SPACE LEFT.

WOW!!!!!!! HOW DID YOU MISS THE CAN????? YOU REALLY SUCK.....HAVEN'T YOU USED ME ENOUGH? YOU KNOW HAVE LEFT ME OPEN TO WAY MORE PAIN....PEOPLE CAN JUST STEP ALL OVER ME.

OUCHHHHH OUCHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! STOP STEPPING ON ME....YOU ARE HURTING ME.

PLEASE TELL THESE PEOPLE TO STOP...WHY COULDNT YOU JUST MAKE IT IN THE CAN....BUT NOW EVERYONE IS JUST STEPPING ON ME....THE BAD PART IS THAT THEY ARE NOT EVEN NOTICING.....AM I INVISIBLE???

WHY ME?? I WAS THERE TILL THE END....ANYTIME YOU NEEDED ME....PLEASE TELL THEM TO JUST LEAVE ME ALONE.

IT'S KIND OF FUCKED UP WHEN LIFE MAKES YOU FEEL LIKE AN OLD USED PEICE OF PAPER.

SO QUICK TO WALK AWAY

I MUST HAVE FUCK MY FEELINGS WRITTEN ON MY FACE....EVERYTIME MY LIFE SEEMS TO BE GOING GOOD I GET FUCKED UP..AND IN MY LAST BLOG I TOOK FULL RESPONSIBLITIY ...I ALWAYS SEEM TO TAKE THE BLAME FOR SHIT WHEN I AM IN THE RELATIONSHIP....JUST BECAUSE I HATE HOSTILITY BUT NOW I AM SOOO DONE WITH IT......LIKE I AM NOT WRONG FOR LOVING YOU....AND YES I LOVE HARD HOW ELSE ARE U SUPPOSE TO LOVE? HALF WAY? A FOURTH OF THE WAY? UHHHH NO WHEN YOU TELL SOMEONE YOU LOVE THEM YOUR ARE SUPPOSE TO REALLY LOVE THEM...DO ANYTHING JUST TO SEE THEM SMILE..BE THE ONE WHO WANTS TO MAKE THEIR WORLD BETTER...BUT I GUESS MY DEFINITION OF LOVE IS WRONG...WHEN SOMEONE TELLS ME THEY LOVE THEY HURT ME...THEY MAKE ME CRY....THEY LEAVE ME....THEY JUST BASICALLY SEEM NOT TO GIVE TWO FUCKS ABOUT MY FEELINGS.....SOOOO MAYBE IT IS LIKE OPPOSITE DAY BUT THE DAY JUST SEEMS TO LAST FOR A LIFETIME WITH ME...THIS ALWAYS HAPPENS TO ME WHETHER IT WAS WITH A RELATIONSHIP OR A FOSTER HOME OR WITH A BIOLOGICAL FAMILY THEY NEVA REALLY LOVE ME...THEY TELL ME THAT TO MAKE ME FEEL GOOD I GUESS.....BUT I AM SOOO TIRED....LIKE I KNOW I HAVE ISSUES EVERYONE DOES....MY ATTITUDE SUCKS IT DOES MAYBE IF PEOPLE WOULD JUST TREAT ME AS IF I AM A PERSON AND NOT AN OBJECT WE WOULD BE COOL...OR MAYBE IF PEOPLE WOULD JUST KEEP IT REAL WITH ME I WOULD BE NICE.....I KNO I HAVE ATTACHMENT ISSUES TO WHERE I CATCH FELINGS FAST...TRY BEING RIPPED AWAY FROM YOUR FAMILY, AND THEN BEING RIPPED AWAY FROM PEOPLE WHO U THINK ARE YOUR FAMILY OR HOW ABOUT KNOWING THAT EVERY PERSON THAT ENTERS IS GONNA LEAVE AND U JUST WANNA BE LOVED.....LIKE I HAVE NEVER HAD A STABLE HOME NEVER OR HAD JUST ONE PERSON IN MY LIFE WHO WANTS TO BE THERE ALWAYS THRU WATEVA......BUT LIKE I AM NOT GONNA SIT HERE AND BE SAD AND COMPLAIN OR SAY ANYTHING ELSE BUT I AM A GOOD WOMAN....I AM A GOOD PERSON....AND I AM A GOOD FRIEND...I ONLY ASK THAT FROM EVERYONE TO TREAT ME THE SAME AS I TREAT YOU.....THATS ALL I WANT OUT OF ANY RELATIONSHIP....I JUST WANNA SMILE....I CANT THOUGH BECAUSE PEOPLE DONT REALIZE THAT JUST AS SCARED AS YOU ARE I AM TOO....JUST AS BAD AS YOU HAVE INNER PERSONAL ISSUES I HAVE THEM TOO...AND THE ONLY THING WE CAN DO IS WORK TOGETHER OR SAY FUCK IT BUT IF YOU ONLY GONNA GIVE UP THEN WHY COME IN....BUT I WILL SAY THIS BEFORE I END THIS....I AM NOT A FUCKING TOY....AND MY FEELINGS ARENT EITHER....SOOOO PLEASE WHEN ENTERING MY LIFE KNOW THAT AND PLEASE TREAT ME AS IF I AM HUMAN...I DO MAKE MISTAKES AND I WILL DO THINGS THAT ARE NOT TO YOUR LIKIN BUT THAT IS WAT MAKES ME ME AND YOU YOU.....YOU DONT HAVE TO RUN FROM ME OR BE SCARED.....I WOULD NEVER WANT ANYONE TO FEEL THE WAY I AM FEELING RIGHT NOW...THIS FEELING OF STRAIGHT UGHHH IS OVER ME AND I KNOW THAT.....THIS IS CRAZI....SOOO PLEASE CUT THE ROPE IF YOU AINT GONNA BE HANGING OUT THERE NEXT ME......MODEL

BUT TOOO THAT ONE PERSON....I STILL LOVE YOU....AND I WILL LOVE YOU...I SIT HERE AND I CRY BECAUSE I DO LOVE YOU AND NOT BECAUSE I AM UPSET THAT WE ARENT TOGETHER (WELL I AM) BUT BECAUSE I WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY AND AS A FRIEND (NOT YA GIRL) I WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY SOO IF THAT MEANS NO MORE US THEN SOO BE IT.....BUT JUST KNOW I LOVE YOU....JUST KNOW THAT I AM STILL HERE AND I STILL WANT TO MAKE THIS WORK AND I WILL DO WHATEVER I CAN DO TO MAKE THIS WORK BUT IF YOU DO NOT FEEL THAT WAY JUST LET ME KNOW EITHER IMMA BE HURT BUT I WILL HOLD MY HEAD HIGH.....AND BE OK SOOO PLZZZ DONT DRAG ME ALONG

I JUST WANNA SMILE

I FUCK UP EVERYTHING THAT I START....I AM LIKE A WASTE OF LIFE NOW....SHIT JUST DOESNT EVER EVER GO RIGHT WHEN IT COMES DOWN TO ME...I HAD A REALLY GOOD PERSON IN MY LIFE BUT YET AGAIN I LET MY MOUTH FUCK SHIT UP....YEAH I TALK ABOUT HER ALL DAY...I WAS SOOO FUCKIN HAPPY THAT I FINALLY HAD SOMEONE IN MY LIFE THAT MADE ME SMILE THAT KEPT ME SMILING AND JUST MADE ME WANT TO BE CHARDAY...I COULDNT HELP THAT I WANTED TO BRAG ABOUT HER SOOO I WOULD....I DONT KNOW EVERY CONVERSATION THAT I HAD CONSIST OF ME TALKIN ABOUT HER WHETHER I WAS MAD OR NOT I TALKED ABOUT HER...AND I GUESS IF THAT WAS MY CRIME...THEN SOO BE IT.....BUT FOR HER TO JUST WALK AWAY BECAUSE I GET MAD IS JUST SOOO FUCKING CRAZY...LIKE I HUNG UP ON HER....I HANG UP ON EVERYONE WHEN THEY GET ON MY NERVES....AND I WAS HOLLERING AT HER AND I DIDNT WANT TO KEEP IT GOING...I MISSED HER I DIDNT TALK TO HER IN LIKE TWO DAYS...I JUST WANTED TO TALK TO MY GIRLFRIEND AND NOW WE OVER...SHE SAID IF I EVER HANG UP ON HER NOT TO EVER CALL HER AGAIN...SHE SAYS THE WAY I LOVE HER SCARES HER...I EVE OFFERED TO ACT LIKE I DONT LOVE HER JUST SOOO SHE WOULDNT LEAVE ME....BUT NOPE THAT WASNT GOOD ENOUGH....SOOOO I MEAN I DONT WANT TO LOOSE HER....I DONT WANNA NOT BE ABLE TO CALL HER MINE.....I LOVE HER TO DEATH....BUT I DONT KNO I CAN NOT STOP CRYING RIGHT NOW.....LIKE I FEEL LIKE I JUST LOST MY BEST FRIEND.....UGHHHHH IDK...KERRA IF U READ THIS I AM SORRY...I LOVE U.....I TALK ABOUT U BECAUSE I LOVE U LIKE I DONT MEAN IT THE WAY THAT U TAKING IT....BUT I MEAN ITS COOL I LOVE U AND I AM SORRY THAT IT SCARES U...I LOVE U AND WHEN I REALIZED THAT I WANTED TO BE WITH U I COULDNT HELP THAT MY FEELINGS ARE SO STRONG...BUT I MEAN I LOVE U AND I HOPE THAT U CHANGE UR MIND

DEAR GOD....

I SOOOO KNOW THAT I MISSED CHURCH YESTERDAY I AM SOOOO SORRY....YOU KNOW I LIKE TO SLEEP MY LIFE AWAY....NEXT WEEKEND I PROMISE EVEN IF I HAVE TO STAY UP ALL NIGHT LONG....I AM GOING EVEN IF I HAVE TO GO BY MYSELF.....BUT ANYWAY I JUST WANTED TO SAY THANK YOU FOR MY LIFE....THANK YOU FOR ALLOWING ME TO WAKE UP EVERYDAY....PLEASE PLEASE WATCH OVER MY FAMILY AND FRIENDS IN PHILADELPHIA...THEY MEAN SOO MUCH TO ME I MIGHT NOT SHOW IT BUT YOU KNOW LORD THAT ARE MY BACK BONE....PLEASE WATCH OVER MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY OUT HERE IN GA....THEY WERE HERE WHEN I WAS UNABLE TO FINISH THE TEST THAT YOU PLACED UPON ME....AT THE TIME OF THE TEST I DIDNT REALIZE IT WAS A TEST....BUT THEY TOOK ME OUT OF IT AND I AM SOOO GREATFUL FOR THEM....PLEASE WATCH OVER KERRA SHE IS GOING THROUGH A LOT AND SHE NEEDS THE STRENGTH TO MAKE IT....AND PLEASE HELP ME TO BE ABLE TO HELP HER THROUGH WHATEVER ISUES SHE IS GOING THROUGH....BUT LORD PLEASE HELP ME...I NEED TO GET BACK ON MY FEET AND BE ABLE TO TAKE CARE OF MSELF...I KNOW THAT I NEED TO ALWAYS BE OPEN TO HELP AND I WILL BUT PLEASE HELP ME TO FOND A JOB AND BE ABLE TO CONTRIBUTE TO HOUSEHOLD THINGS....HELP ME TO GROW UP A LITTLE MORE THAN WHAT I HAVE....BUT AGAIN LORD I THANK YOU FOR LIFE ITSELF....I HAVE BEEN SOO HAPPY LATELY....THANK YOU FOR GIVING ME A HOME AND PEOPLE WHO LOVE ME IN LIFE...THANK YOU FOR GIVING ME EVERYTHING I HAVE...BUT I THINK THAT IS IT.....LOVE ALWAYS CHARDAY

COUNTIN DOWN THE DAYS

WELL AS OF RIGHT NOW WE HAVE 8 MORE DAYS UNTIL IWE SEE EACH OTHER....OMGGGG I AM SOOO GEEKED UP....LIKE I CAN NOT WAIT...LIKE I HOPE EVERYTHING GOES AS PLANNED...I HAVE FELLL IN LOVE WIT YOUR MIND...NOT NOTHING SEXUAL BUT YA MIND.....SOOOO I AM COUNTIN DOWN THE DAYS I HAVE GIVEN PPL THEY RULES AND I AM JUST SITTIN BACK WAITING FOR THE FIRST....MOST PEOPLE DREAD THAT TIME BECAUSE IT IS RENT AND BILLS TIME BUT NOT ME....IT IS ONE OF THE HAPPIEST TIMES OF MY LIFE....I CANNOT WAIT....

ITS COLD



I AM SCARED....



I HEAR A NOISE.....WHOSE THAT?



OMG PLEASE DONT LET IT BE THE COPS....I HAVE NO WHERE TO GO....I JUST WANNA LAY HERE AND HOPE TO FALL ASLEEP AND THEN I CAN DREAM ABOUT A NICE BED AND FOOD TO EAT....OH I HATE IT OUT HERE....I HAVE NO BLANKET....THIS SURFACE IS HARD...I AM GLAD I AT LEAST GOT A PILLOW....

LEMME COUNT SOME SHEEP..ONE, TWO, THREE.....DAYUM I AINT TIRED I AM TOO SCARED....WELLL LETS THINK AM I GOING TO SCHOOL TOMORROW...NOPE I HAVE TO SHOWER...DAMN WHERE I AM GOING TO DO THAT....MAYBE I CAN GO TO THE LIBRARY AND USE THE SINK.....YEAH THATS WHAT I WILL DO AND THEN I WILL GO TO MY FRIEND HOUSE AND SEE IS SHE WILL GIVE ME SOME FOOD.....DAMN WHAT DID I DO TO HER???? NOTHING I CAME IN TEN MINUTES LATE..OMGGGG I THOUGHT SHE LOVED ME....

OH WAIT WHATS THAT NOISE???? A CRACK HEAD...PLEASE DONT COME OVER HERE I DONT HAVE NOTHING...PLEASE DNT COME OVER HERE...YESSSSS HE INT COMING OVER HERE

BACK TO THE SHEEP COUNTING FOUR, FIVE, SIX...UGHHHHHH PLEASE CHARDAY JUST GO TO SLEEP....NO ONE IS GOING TO GET ME....I HAVE SLEPT HERE FOR THE LAST TWO WEEKS AND NOTHING BUT IT SEEMS LIKE EVERY NIGHT I AM STILL SCARED TO DEATH....WELL MAYBE TOMORROW SHE WILL COME AROUND...MAYBE SHE WILL REALIZE SHE LOVES ME....SIKE THATS A THOUGHT.....MAN I AM HUNGRY I WISH I HAD A PLATE OF FOOD...I DONT EVEN CARE IF IT IS SOME NASTY LIVER....I NEED SOME FOOD.....SHITTTTT

MAN IM AM JUST GOING TO GO HOME AND TELL HER I LOVE HER AND I AM SORRY...I AM JUST GOING TO HAVE TO LET HER BEAT ME...AND ID SHE DONT TAKE ME BACK IM AM GOING TO CALL THE COPS...THATS IT I WILL CALL THEM AND TELL THEM TO HELP BECAUSE SHE DONT WANT ME...THAT MIGHT SCARE HER AND THEN SHE WILL KEEP ME....OMGGGGG MY BODY IS SOOO TIRED BUT MY EYES WONT CLOSE.....I JUST WANT TO DREAM OF BETTER DAYS....

MAYBE IF I SAY MY PRAYERS IT WILL HELP ME.....DEAR GOD, I KNOW THAT IT IS YOU THAT KEEPS ME SFE WHILE I SLEEP HERE EVERY NIGHT.....PLEASE HELP HER REALIZE THAT I DONT DESERVE THIS...JUST TELL HER I AM SORRY AND THAT I WANT TO COME BACK HOME... PLEASE LET HER KNOW THAT I LOVE HER AND THAT I JUST WANT HER TO LOVE ME....I PROMISE I WILL COME IN ON TIME AND WHEN SHE HITS ME I WILL CRY....JUST PLEASE DONT LET ME HAVE TO SLEEP HERE AGAIN....IN YOUR NAME I PRAY...AMEN

YEAH THATS WHAT I NEEDED TO DO..YESSSS I AM TIRED...SEVEN, EIGHT, NINE, TEN...ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

REFLECTIONS....

TODAY WAS A DAY WHERE I DID NOTHING...I ONLY CAME OUT MY ROOM TO GET FOOD....WHICH I ATE IN MY ROOM...I REALLY DID NOT SAY TO MUCH TO ANYONE BUT I SAT BACK AND I WAS JUST THINKIN ABOUT SHIT I HAVE DONE TO PPL AND SHIT PPL HAVE DONE TO ME AND THE WAY I ACT ABOUT CERTAIN THINGS.....LIKE THINGS IS CRAZI...THOUGHTS IN MY HEAD ARE EVEN WORSE....LIKE I HAVE THIS ATTITUDE THAT SUCKS TO WHERE I JUST DONT GIVE A FUCK... LIKE I GET UP AND DO WAT I WANT TO DO AND I HAVE NO RESPECT FOR THE PEOPLE THAT I AHVE IN MY LIFE....I DONT MEAN TO BE THAT WAY BUT I HAVE THIS IDEA THAT I AM IN THIS WORLD ALONE AND THAT I HAVE TO JUST WORRY ABOUT ME....WELL RIGHT NOW I AM IN A RELATIONSHIP THAT MEANS SO MUCH TO ME THAT IT IS HARD TO BREAK THAT ATTITUDE BUT I AM WORKING...BUT EVEN THAT I SPOKE WITH MY GODSON WHOM I LOVE SOO MUCH AND HE WAS LIKE MOM MOM WHEN U COMING TO SEE ME???? AND I SAT THERE AND I WAS LIKE SOON AND THEN HE RESPONDED WITH A OK WELL I MISS U....THAT TORE ME UP BECAUSE HE IS ONLY YOUNG BUT I WAS HIS EVERYTHING AT ONE TIME...I WAS THE ONE FEEDING HIM CLOTHING HIM BEING HIS EVERYTHING AND I JUST WALKED OUT OF HIS LIFE...BUT I AM ALWAYS QUICK TO FAULT SOMEONE WHO DOES THAT ME...I AM LIKE THAT WITH EVERYTHING..WHENEVER I FEEL LIKE GETTING UP ND CHANGIN SCENES I DO SOOO AND DO NOT THINK ABOUT WHAT I AM LEAVING BEHIND.....LIKE I DONT KNO I DO THAT ALOT.......SOOOO ANOTHER THING THAT I WAS THINKIN ABOUT WAS HOW MUCH FEELING I PUT INTO SHIT....I THINK SOO DEEP INTO THINGS AND I EXPECT SOO MUCH OUT OF PEOPLE....LIKE YOU SAY YOU ARE GOING TO DO SOMETHING I WOULD HOPE THAT YOU WOULD DO IT....ESPECIALLY IF YOU OFFER....THEN YOU ARE SUPPOSE TO KEEP YOUR WORD...I HATE HATE FOR SOMEONE TO GO BACK ON WAT THEY SAY BECAUSE I GUESS THIS IS MY FAULT BUT I HOLD YOU TO YOUR WORD...I DONT KNO I AM SITTING HERE JUST THINKING....I DONT WANT NO ONE TO SIT HERE AND TELL ME THEY GOING TO DO ANYTHING BECAUSE IT IS A SET BACK....LIKE A PERSON SAYS THEY GONNA DO IT AND THEN THEY LET ME DOWN SOOOO WHEN SOMEONE GENUINE COMES I DONT WANT TO ACCEPT THEIR HELP BECAUSE I THINK THEY ARE JUST GOIN TO LET ME DOWN.....I DONT KNO


I JUST WANNA FINISH THIS IM OUTTTT....

WE GOTTA MAKE IT WORK

BABI IT IS ONLY ME AND YOU IN, WE THIS RELATIONSHIP SO WE GOTTA MKE IT WORK....I LOVE YOU TO DEATH AND TODAY I WAS SO SCARED THAT I WAS LOSING YOU.....LIKE I KNOW THAT EVERY COUPLE HAS THEY ISSUES BUT WHEN WE HAVE OURS IT JUST HURTS SOOO MUCH MORE....I KNOW THIS IS TURE LOVE AND I KNO THAT IF WE WANT IT TO WORK WE CAN MAKE IT....I WILL NEVA DO ANYTHING TO HURT YOU....NOR WILL I EVER LEAVE I AM IN THIS FOR THE LONG RUN AND I WILL ALWAYS HERE IF YOU ALLOW.....LIKE I HAVE NEVER GOT THE BLESSING FROM MY POPZ THE WAY I DID TODAY....BABI I KNO THAT I AM A GOOD WOMAN AND I KNOW THAT I CAN BRING A LOT OF HAPPINESS TO YOU.....BUT I AM GOING TO SIT HERE TODAY AND SAY THAT I WILL NOW ALLOW YOU TO LOVE ME....I HAVE BEEN OPEN BECAUSE I HAVE FALLING IN LOVE WITH YOU BUT I HAVENT SAT BACK AND ALLOWED YOU TO LOVE ME....I ALWAYS AND SAYIN OH I LOVE HER BUT I NEVER SAY SHE LOVES ME.....SOOO I GUESS I BEEN LIKE THAT BECAUSE WHEN I THINK SOMEONE LOVE ME THEY HURT ME.....BUT WITH YOU BABI I DONT THINK THAT...BUT I AM GOIN TO ALLOW YOU DO HELP ME LOVE ME AND ALL THE THINGS THAT YOU WANNA DO....I AM SORRY FOR ALL THE THINGS I HAVE DONE YOU ALREADI....FOR RAISING MY VOICE AND DISRESPECTING YOU IN ANY TYPE OF WAY.... I AM NOT USE TO FEELIN THE WAY THAT I AM FEELING.....BABI WHEN I THINK OF YOU I AM AT A LOSE FOR WORDS.....LIKE I AM JUST LIKE SITTIN THERE LIKE DAYUM I GOT SOMEONE GOOD IN MY LIFE....AND LIKE I ALWAYS THINK AM I GOOD ENOUGH FOR HER...BUT LISTEN I LOVE YOU SOO MUCH THAT I WILL DO WATEVA I HAVE TO DO....BABI I LOVE YOU AND I ONLY WANT YOU HAPPY....I WANT YOU TO SMILE EVERYTIME I SAY YA NAME....EVERYTIME U HEAR MY VOICE U GET BUTTERFLIES AND EVERYTIME YOU HEAR A LOVE SONG YOU THINK OF ME.....BECAUSE THATS HOW I FEEL ABOUT U....BUT BABI I THINK THAT TODAY WAS LIKE THE BEST DAY IN OUR RELATIONSHIP....WE ARGUED ALLL DAY BUT WE STILL ENDED ON A GOOD TIP {WE HAD TO GET A LIL ADVICE FROM THE OLD MAN} BUT I GUESS WATEVA SHE SAID TO AND WAT SHE SAID TO ME MADE US BOTH REALIZE THAT WE LOVE EACH OTHER.....BABI U NOT GETTING AWAY EVER....LMAOOOO NOT ON NO STALKA SHITTT BUT JUST ON SOME I LOVE YOU SHIT....U ARE MY HEART MY PRIDE AND ALL THAT OTHER GOOD SHITTT.....BUT OK IT IS LATE AND I AM TIRED I THINK.....I LOVE YOU ALWAYS CHARDAY

HAPPY BIRTHDAY && CONGRATS

WELLLL I JUST HAVE TO GIVE A MAJOR HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHOUT OUT TO KI {MI MOMMA} LMAOOO...GIRL U LOVE ME JUST LIKE A MOTHER SHOULD....U PLAY THE ROLE THAT NEEDS TO BE PLAYED...YOU ARE THE PERSON WHO I NEVA HAD....THE MOTHER I ALWAYS DREAMED OF HAVING...YOU ARE MY FRIEND AND I KNOW THAT YOU WOULDNT STEER ME IN THE WRONG DIRECTION.....THAT YOU ONLY WANT THE BEST FOR ME....I KNO I CAN WAKE YOU UP OUT YOUR SLEEP AND YOU WOULD TALK TO ME...YOU MAY GIVE THE HARSH SIDE OF THINGS BUT IT WILL BE THE RIGHT SIDE OF THINGS....I LOVE YOU TO DEATH...I THOUGHT WHEN YOU GOT HERE YOU WAS GOING TO TAKE MY POPZ FROM ME AND I WAS GONNA BE ALONE...I WAS WORRIED BUT I SAID I ONLY WANT THAT NIGGA TO BE HAPPY AND BRINGIN YOU HERE MADE HA THE HAPPIEST I HAVE EVER SEEN SOOOO I AM NO LONGER WORRIED I KNOW THAT YOU ARE HERE FOR THE GOOD....I LOVE YOU AS A MOTHER AS A FRIEND AS A HOMIE AS ROLE MODEL AND AS EVERYTHING THAT I COULD POSSIBLY THINK OF....THANK YOU...SO TO YOU ON YOUR SPECIAL DAY I HOPE THAT IT IS FILLED WITH LOVE AND HAPPINESS....I HOPE THAT YOU LOOK TO TOMORROW AND NOT YESTERDAY AND JUST WORK IT...YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL INSIDE OUT AND I HOPE THAT YOU WILL ALWAYS REMAIN TRUE TO YOURSELF....SO HAPPY BIRTHDAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY......MODELLL


AND NOW FOR THE CONGRATS.....I WANT TO SAY TO CONGRATULATIONS TO POPZ AND KI ON THEIR ENGAGEMENT....I KNEW IT WAS COMING I WAS JUST WAITIN....I AM SOOO HAPPY THAT YOU TWO FOUND EACH OTHER....THE SMILE THAT YOU TO PUT UPON EACHOTHER FACES IS LIKE THE MOST CUTEST THING IN THE WORLD....LIKE WHEN YALL IN ANOTHER ROOM ALL I EVA HEAR IS LAUGHTER...IT IS SOOO CUTE.....BUT I AM HAPPY THAT YALL BOTH LOVE EACH OTHER AND THAT YOU GUYS ARE HAPPY....I KNOW THAT YALL HAVE BEEN THRU SOO MUCH IN YALL RELATIONSHIP AND YET YOU GUYS ARE STILL HERE AND STILL STANDING STRONG.....YALL ARE MY MOTIVATION TO MAKE MY RELATIONSHIP (NOT SAYING I DONT LOVE MY BOO) BUT LIKE WHEN I LOOK AT YALL I AM LIKE I HOPE THAT ONE DAY I WILL MAKE MY BABI AS HAPPY AS KI MAKE MI POPZ.....BUT ANYWHOOOOO CONGRATS TOOO YALL I AM SOOO HAPPY....AND TELL THEM OTHER BITCHES TO GAG BECAUSE SHE SAID YES!!!!!! OH AND I AM SERIOUS I WANNA WEAR THE TOTO.....FAGS LOVE YALL

UGHHHHHH

I FEEL LIKE I BE SOOO LOST AT LIFE AT TIMES....WHYYYY IS IT THAT I ALLOW OTHER PEOPLE TO DICTATE MY FEELINGS....I ALLOW THEM TO CONTROL MY FEELINGS.....LIKE I CANT SEEM TO GET RIGHT.....MANNNNN WHEN I MEET PEOPLE I TRY TO JUST...MAN I AM SOOO FREAKIN LOST.....I WANNA BE MY OWN PERSON BUT IT SEEMS TO HARD....I NEED TO JUST SAY FUKK THE WORLD...U KNO WHAT FUKK THE WORLD IM DONE

FOSTER CARE....PT 1 (THE GOOD)

NOW EVERYONE KNOWS THAT I COULD RANT ALL DAY ABOUT FOSTER CARE....ABOUT HOW DIRTY IT DID ME OR ABOUT HOW IT FUKKED ME OVER BUT I AINT GONNA DO THAT .....I MEAN I AM JUST GONNA WRITE A LIL BIT ABOUT IT....WELL A LIL BACKGROUND ON ME WAS THAT I HAD BEEN IN FOSTER CARE FROM THE TIME I WAS 12 TILL I WAS 18...I AHVE BEEN IN ABOUT 25 HOMES, SHELTERS, AND GROUP HOMES...I WAS ACTUALLY WAS ACTUALLY BORN INTO FOSTERCARE BECAUSE MY MOTHER GAVE ME UP BEFORE I WAS EVEN RELEASED FROM THE HOSPITAL BUT I WAS ADOPTED BUT THEN MY BIO MOTHER CAME BACK INTO M LIFE AND GOT ME BACK...SHE ONLY KEPT ME FOR TWO YEARS AND THEN SHE PUT ME OUT AND I WAS HOMELESS... I HAD TO SLEEP IN A PARK AND THEN I FINALLY WENT BACK INO FOSTER CARE....OK SOOOO ANYWHO BACK TO WAT I WAS ORIGINALLY SAYING....FOSTER CARE HS ITS GOOD AND IT HAS ITS BADS... I GUESS THE GOODS WOULD BE THAT I WAS ABLE TO LIVE IN MANY DIFFERENT HOMES...LIKE I LEARNED ABOUT DIFFERENT NATIONALITYS AND CULTURES....I HAVE LIVED IN WHITE HOMES, BLACK HOMES, RICAN HOMES JUST A WHOLE LOT OF DIFFERENT HOMES AND I LEARNED A LOT ABOUT MANY DIFFERENT RACES....I THINK THAT IS SOO GREAT BECAUSE NOW I SORT OF NOW HOW TO HANDLE SITUATIONS WHEN DEALING WITH PEOPLE....UMMM WAT ELSE WAS GOOD ABOUT FOSTER CARE....IT OPENED ME UP TO MANY DIFFERENT OPPORTUNITIES, SOME OF THE THINGS I WOULD HAVE NEVER DREAMED OF DOING....I MADE A MOVIE WELL DOCUMENTARY.... A REAL ONE THAT WAS SHOWN IN A FILM FESTIVAL AND IS STILL BEING SHOWN THROUGHT OUT DIFFERENT PLACES (EVEN THOUGHT I AINT GETTIN PAID NO MORE AND PPL HAVE TO PAY TO SEE IT AND I DONT EVEN KNOW WHEN THEY SHOWIN IT ANYMORE) LIKE THATS WAS AN OPPORTUNITY OF A LIFE TIME....NOW PPL BE KNOWING ME AND I DONT BE KNOWING THEM...THEY JUST WALK UP TO ME AND BE LIKE HEYYY CHARDAY AND I BE LIKE AND YOU ARE AND THEY TELL ME THEY NAME...THEN THEY GO INTO TELLING ME THAT THEY SEEN MY FILM AND THEY REALLI LIKED IT,..I LOVED IT....I ALSO WAS A SEX ED TEACHER...THAT WAS ALSO A GREAT THING... I WORKED FOR A PLACE CALLED PLANNED PARENTHOOD...LIKE I LOVED TO TEACH YOUTH ABOUT THINGS THAT CAN HELP THEM...LIKE IT WAS SOO FUN IT KEPT ME INFORMED ON THE SHITTT THAT WAS GOIN AROUND AND I LOVE TO JUST TALK INFRONT OF PPL..... MAN I HAVE HAD SOME GOOD TIMES IN FOSTER CARE.....LIKE I GOT PAID FOR GOING TO A PROGRAM AND I DIDNT HAVE TO DO NOTHING BUT ACT A FOOL AT...LIKE FOSTER CARE PAYS FOR YOU TO GO TO SCHOOL EVEN THOUGHT I AINT GO...LIKE IT CAN HELP YOU GET A PLACE AND HELP PAYS YA BILLS.....LIKE FOSTER CARE HAS HELPED ME BE A STRONGER PERSON....LIKE I HAVE LEANRED TO STICK UP FOR MYSELF BETTER I HAVE ALSO LEARNED TO BE SUPER INDEPENDENT.....I LEARNED THAT I HAVE A VOICE....THAT IF I DONT LIKE SOMETHING THAT I KNOW HOW TO SPEAK UP AND KEEP IT RESPECTABLE....I HAVE ALSO LEARNED HOW TO MAKE THE BEST OF ANY SITUATION...THET IT MIGHT NOT BE GOOD....U MIGHT NOT HAVE A BED AND YOU ON THE FLOOR BUT YOU GOT A ROOF OVER YOUR HEAD....LIKE I DONT COMPLAIN I JUST TAKE WHAT I GOT AND KEEP IT GOING....I MEAN IF I NEVER WENT THRU FOSTER CARE I DONT KNOW WHAT TYPE OF PERSON I WOULD BE TODAY....I AM HAPPY THAT I HAD TO GO THRU IT BECAUSE I KNOW THAT IF I MADE IT THRU THAT I AM STRONG....SOOOO I MEAN IT AINT ALL BAD IT IS OK

LIFE....

OK SOOOO I AM NOW READI TO EXPLAIN MY ASPECT OF LIFE BECAUSE I AM LERNING THAT EVERYONE LOOKS AT IT TOTALLY DIFFERENT THEN ME.....I LAUGH AT LIFE..I DONT THINK IT IS A JOKE BUT I DONT BELIEVE THAT A PERSON SHOULD WALK AROUND MEAN MUGGING EVERYDAY....LIKE I AM VERY FRIENDLY I WILL TALK TO ANYONE ABOUT ANYTHING BUT LIKE I WALKED AROUND AND I FRONT....I AM LAUGHIN ALL THE TIME BECAUSE I AM TRYING TO HIDE THE HURT THAT I FEEL....I AM HURTING EVERY DAY BOUT JUS THINGS.....LIKE I TRY TO FACE THE THINGS THAT I HAVE BEEN THRU IN MY PAST I CANT SOO I HAVE TRIED TO FORGET THEM BUT I CAN NOT DO THAT....BUT IT IS AFFECTING ME... I THINK TO DEEP INTO SITUATIONS AND I AM ALWAYS FINDING A WAY TO RELATE EVERYTHING THAT I GO THRU TO SOMETHING THAT HAPPENED IN MY PAST...AND I KNOW THAT I AM WRONG FOR DOING THAT BUT I DONT KNO HOW TO GET OUT THE BOX...ITS LIKE I AM SITTIN IN THIS BIG ASS BOX...I HAVE JUST ENOUGH TO GET BY BUT LIKE I CAN NOT GET OUT...I SIT IN THE BOX AND I DEAL WITH THE SAME SHIT EVERYDAY....LIKE I LOOK AT THE SAME WALLS EVERYDAY....AND ITS LIKE I WANNA JUST STAND UP ND GET OUT THE BOX BUT I CANT SEEM TO DO IT...THATS HOW I FEEL ABOUT LIFE....LIKE I HAVE BEEN THRU SOO MUCH AND SOO I LIKE I HAD TO GROW UP FAST....ONCE I HIT THEM TEENAGE YEARS SHITTT JUST WENT ON SUPER GROW UP MODE....BUT LIKE I MEAN I JUST WANNA LET SHIT GOOO...IDK I AM GETTIN FRUSTRATED I CANT GET ALL MY THOUGHTS OUT...MODEL

TO YOU....

YEAH I AM SITTIN UP AND I AM WONDERING WHYYY I CANT SLEEP??? I CANT CAME TO THE CONCLUSION I CANT SLEEP BECAUSE I AM EXCITED FOR TOMORROW.....I DONT HAVE NUTTIN TO DO, I AINT GOING NO WHERE, NOTHING IS HAPPENING BUT I AM EXCITED BECAUSE I GET TO TALK TO YOU....I GET TO GO ON ONE MORE DAY AND SAY THAT I AM YA WIFE....I AM SOOOO HAPPY TO HAVE YOU IN MY LIFE...LIKE YOU MAKE SHITTT SOO MUCH BETTER....YOU MAKE LIFE WORH LIVING...I MEAN I ALWAYS WANNA LIVE BUT U MAKE ME WANNA LIVE RIGHT....LIKE WHEN I TALK TO YOU I CANT NOT DO ANYTHING BUT SMILE EVEN WHEN YOU GIVING ME ATTITUDE I STILL BE SMILING BECAUSE IT IS SOOO CUTE AND I AM SOO HAPPY THAT YOU CARE ENOUGH ABOUT ME TO GET MAD ABOUT SOMETHING....LIKE BABY I KNOW I CAN TALK TO YOU ABOUT ANYTHING I KNOW THAT I CAN CONFIDE IN YOU WITH MY DEEPEST SECRETS AND THAT.....MAN BABY YOU JUST DONT KNO HOW I FEEL AND I MEAN WRITING IT ON PAPER AINT GONNA EVER BE ABLE TO EXPRESS COMPLETLY HOWI FEEL....LIKE I WROTE IT ON HERE BECAUSE I WANT THE WORLD TO KNOW THAT I LOVE YOU..I HOPE THAT YOU DO NOT GET UPSET BY ANYTHING IN THIS.....BUT BABY BACK TO HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU....WHEN I AINT TALKING TO YOU I AM MISSIN YOU....WHEN I MISSING YOU I AM THINKNIN ABOUT U AND WHEN I AM THINKIN ABOUT YOU I CALL YOU TEXT YOU STALK YA DL AND MYSPACE PICS...LIKE BABY YOU ARE IN MY MIND AT ALL TIMES OF DAYS...I DO NOT HOLD A CONVERSATION WITH ANYONE WITHOUT TALKIN ABOUT YOU....I KNOW MY FRIENDS BE MAD BECAUSE ALL THEY HEAR ABOUT IS YOU NOW....I DONT ASK HOW THEY DOING IM JUST LIKE MY BABI THIS AND MY BABI THAT BUT I DONT CARE...I AM FINALLY HAPPY...WOW I NEVER THOUGHT THAT SOMEONE WOULD MAKE ME WANNA SAY THAT....I AM FINALL HAPPY...I CAN HONESTLY SAY THAT I AM HAPPY...I AM CONTENT WITH MY SHITT....LIKE BABY YOU MEAN SOO MUCH TO ME....LIKE SERIOUSLY I WOULD HAVE NEVA KNOWN.....SMH BABY YOU JUST IS SOO CRAZI....LOL...BUT ANYWHO YOU HAVE SUCH A BIG IMPACT ON MY LIFE....WHEN YOU UPSET I CAN NOT EVEN FUNCTION...LIKE WHEN YOU HURTIN I HURT WHEN U PISSED IM PISSED AND WHEN U SMILING U KNO IM SMILIN....LIKE WHEN I WALKED INTO THIS I SAID THAT WE GONNA BE ON THE SAME PAGE AND I AM NEVA GONNA FAULT YOU FOR THE PAST AND THAT I WAS GONNA GIVE YOU EVERYTHING I HAVE AND I DID....BABI YOU PRETTY MUCH HAVE ALL OF ME....LIKE I LEARNED GROWING UP NOT TO LEAVE YOURSELF OPEN.....BUT WITH YOU I AM SOOO OPEN LMAOOO....I LET DOWN EVERY GUARD THAT I HAVE UP......DONT GET ME WRONG I HAVE ISSUES ABOUT LIFE BUT I HAVE NEVA WANTED TO WORK ON CHANGING THEM SOO BAD TILL NOW...I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN LIKE WELL IF YOU DONT LIKE IT THEN FUKK YOU BUT BABY WHEN IT COMES TO YOU I AM LIKE I GOTTA CHANGE....I HAVE TO RESPECT THE THINGS THAT I NORMALLY WOULDNT BECAUSE I WANT THIS TO WORK SOO BAD....I WANNA BE WITH YOU SOO BAD....BABI I BEEN COUNTING DOWN THE DAYS TILL YOU GET HERE...I CAN NOT WAIT.....BUT JUST KNOW BABY THAT YOU ARE IN MY HEART.....YOU ARE IN MY MIND...YOU ARE MY EVERYTHING....I LOVE YOU TO DEATH....I WANNA SPEND THE REST OF MY LIFE WITH YOU......I WANNA BE UR BUST IT BABI CUZ I KNO I AM MAD GUTTA AND I JUST WANNA BE YA EVERYTHING.....I LOVE YOU ALWAYS.....CHARDAY <3

MON JUN162008----6:42 AM

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

OK SOOO I WANNA SAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY LITTLE SISTER MAYA... SHE IS NOW 10 YRS OLD.....AND THATS MY HEART.... EVERYONE BELIEVED THAT SHE WAS GONNA MAKE IT THIS LONG BUT SHE IS HERE.....THANK YOU GOD FOR NOT TAKIN HER AND ALLOWIN HER TO LIVE HER LIFE.....TO MY BABI MAYA...SINCE I LOVE YOU DEATH....YOU MEAN THE WORLD TO ME.....THE BEST SISTER IN THE WORLD.....I LOVE YOU.....


ALLL SOOOO MY MOTHER (REAL MOM) BIRTHDAY IS NEXT WEDS.....SHE IS OLD I DONT KNOW HOW OLD BUT SHE OLD...BUT ANYWHOOOO I LOVE U TOOO MOM...THESE LAST COUPLE DAYS HAS BEEN GREAT....WE HAVE BEEN GETTIN ALONG SOOO WELL AND I LOVE THAT...I WISH U ALL THE BEST ON UR BIRTHDAY AND I HOPE THAT YOU WILL MAKE IT TO SEE MANY MORE YEARS

IS IT TOO FAST

HOW FAST IS TOO FAST....I MEET SOMEONE AND I MEAN I BEEN KNEW HER BUT WELL WE ESTABLISH THAT WE SORT OF LIKE EACH OTHER....AND WE DECIDE THAT WE GONNA TALK...NOT GO TOGETHER JUST TALK TOO SEE IF THE ATTRACTION IS JUST PHYSICAL OR CAN IT POSSIBLY BE MENTAL....OH AND PLUS I HAD A GIRL....SO I MEAN WE JUST STARTED TALKIN....WE TALKED FOR HOURS ON END....LAUGHIN JOKING AND PLAYIN.....THE CONVERSATION WAS WONDERFUL....HER MIND STATE WAS SOOO PERFECT FOR ME....BY THAT TIME I WAS ENDING MY RELATIONSHIP WITH MY CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BECAUSE SHE DIDNT HAVE TIME FOR ME....AND I HAD ALSO MET THIS NEW GIRL AND I WAS DIGGING HER TYPE HARD....SOOOO ME AND MY GIRL ENDED AND ME AND THIS NEW PERSON BEGAN....SOOO SINCE THO TALK BEEN WE JUST BEEN SOO HAPPY....I LOVE TALKIN TO HER.....LIKE SHE IS JUST SOO LAID BACK......LOL BUT SHE IS A SWEETHEART....SHE HAS HER GOALS AND SHE IS DOIN SUMTHIN FOR HERSELF...AND SHE HAS TIME FOR ME....SHE IS THE FIRST ONE I TALK TO AND THAT THE LAST ONE I TALK TO.....SHE IS COOL WITH THE DERE0N FAMILY....WHICH IS THE PPL THAT I BE AROUND ALL DAY....AND THEY LOVE HER....I MEAN SHE IS THE SHITT....BUT UMMM MI QUESTION IS AM I SUPPOSE TO BE FEELING SOO STRONGLY ABOUT HER SOO SOON....BUT LIKE LOVE AND ALL THAT HAS NO TIME LIMIT I KNO..... BUT LIKE I DONT WANNA SET MYSELF UP FOR PUNISHMENT....LIKE I REALLI REALLI LIKE HER.....MANNN I DONT KNO..THATS MY BOO....

I CANT BEAT THE QUEEN......

OK SOOO I WAS TALKIN SHITT AND I WAS TELLIN THE QUEEN {TIA} THAT I WAS GONNA BUST HER ASS IN DOMINOS. SOO SHE HUNG UP ON ME {CLICK} AND WAS LIKE IM ON M WAY BYE. SOOO I SAT HERE STILL TALKIN SHIT....KNOWIN SHE WAS SHE WAS GONNA BUST MY ASS...I WANTED DETHRONE HER...KEY WORD [WANTED]....BUT ANYWAY SHE COMES...I HEAR A KNOCK AT THE DOOR....SO I OPENED AND SHE WAS LIKE HOLD UP...I GOTTA GET MY BRAIN FOOD......SOO THENNN I WAS LIKE I DONT CARE IMMA STILL BUST THAT ASS...SOOO SHE GOT HER FOOD AND CAME BACK AND WE STRATED PLAYIN.....AND GUESS WAT SHE DID......BUST THAT ASS.....I LOSE BY A WHOLE FIFTY POINT.....50 POINTS.....SOOOO I AM STILL THE PRINCESS AND SHE IS STILL THE QUEEN... IT IS OK THOUGH....AS LONG AS I HAVE A PLACE IN THE CASTLE......MODEL

SUM THANK YOUS

FIRST OFF I WANNA THANK THE MAIN PERSON THAT NEEDS TO BE IN MY LIFE WHOM I HAVENT KEPT THERE....THE ONE WHO COULD TAKE AWAY ALL MY ISSUES AND THATS GOD. I KNO THAT I HAVE NOT KEPT U FIRST IN MY LIFE AT ALL TIMES BUT JUST KNO I LOVE U WITH ALL THAT I GOT BECAUSE U TRULY ARE THE ONLY ONE THAT I NEED TO MAKE MI LIFE GO AROUND.....NEXT MY PARENTS (WOW I CANT BELIEVE IM WRITING THIS) EVEN THOUGH WE HAVE OUR MOMENTS AND I DISLIKE YALL 95% OF THE TIME IF IT WASNT FOR YALL I WOULDNT BE HERE. I WOULDNT HAVE MI LIFE OR ANYTHING. BUT EVEN THOUGH ALL PUT ME THRU A LOT I STILL LOVE YALL AND JUST SOO U KNO I HAVE FORGIVEN BOTH OF YOU. I DIDNT NOT FORGET BUT I WANT TO GET TO THE NEXT STAGE IN MY LIFE AND TO DO THAT I NEEDED TO FORGIVE YOU BOTH.....UMMMM WHOSE NEXT TOOO ZOE STRAUSSS. LMAOOOO U ARE JUST THE GREATEST. AND I DONT THINK THAT I TELL YOU ENOUGH THAT I LOVE YOU AND THANK YOU. YOU ARE TH REASON FOR MI BLOG THE REASON FOR A LOT OF THE THINGS I DO AND I KNOW YOU DONT AGREE WITH MOST OF THE SHIT I DO BUT YOU ALWAYS STAY BEHIND ME. YOU GIVE ME LONG ASS SPEECHES BUT YOU ALWAYS END WITH AN I LOVE YOU. DO YOU HONESTLY KNOW HOW MUCH THAT MEANS TO ME. BUT THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR JUST BEING THERE......TO THE DERE0NS. LMAOOOO THERE IS NUTTIN THAT I CAN SAY TO YOU GUYS BUT YOU ROCK...YOU GUYS ARE TRULY MI FAMILY AND YALL HAVE BEEN NUTTIN BUT GOOD TO ME. I LOVE ALL YALL WITH ALL MY HEART AND THERE AINT SHIT THAT I WONT DO FOR YOU GUYS. I MEAN YALL ARE MY BACKBONE LIKE SERIOUSLY. POPZ YOU MEAN THE WORLD TO ME YOU NEVA TALK DOWN TO ME YOU NEVA BE MEAN YOU JUST THE SHIT. EVEN THOUGH AT TIMES I AM SCARED TO TELL YOU U THINGS I KNOW THAT YOU ARE THE MOST UNDERSTANDING PERSON OF THEM ALL. PRAWFHETTE AND PRYCELESS LMAOOOO I FUKKS WIT YALL HARDER THAN YALL EVEN KNOW. YALL ARE THE BEST AND I MEAN THE BEST. I KNOW THAT WITH YALL WILL ALWAYS BE A LAUGH AND I WILL BE ABLE TO FEEL COMFORTABLE AND ACCEPTED WHEN I AM WITH YALL. TO THE REST OF THE FAM DONT THINK CUZ I AINT NAME YALL THAT I DONT LOVE YOU BECAUSE I DO. THANK YOU ALL OF YALL......TO UMM SHIT WHO NEXT SFP, TNK, AND ABN...YALL NIGGAZ KEEP ME GOIN...ITS ALWAYS SUMTHIN BUT I LOVE YALL....I MEAN I KNO THAT YALL RIDES HARD AND THAT YALL GOT MY BACK AINT SHIT THAT I CAN DO BUT RIDE BACK...LMAOOOO UMMM PUNKIE, MB, WET, AND KARMEN(I THINK THATS ALL MI KIDS) MOMMA LOVE U GUYS ALL DAY EVERYDAY. I MEAN EVEN THOUGH THE ONLY ONE I GET TRUE LOVE FROM IS MB....LMAOOOOO SIKE BUT YALL MY BABIES AND IF YALL NEED ME I AM HERE FOR YALL.....BELLAAAAAAAAAAAA LMAOOO U MI SIS/DAUGHTER IN LAW I KNO THAT I CAN TELL YOU ANYTHIN. YOU ARE LIKE MY EAR TY...SLICKKK YOUR CRAZY ASS MAN U FUNNI AS SHITTT U ALWAYS SEEM TO PUT A SMILE ON MI FACE.....BABIDADDI [RORO] TY FOR GIVING ME MY KIDS (EVEN THOUGH I ONLI ASKED FOR UH 2) BUT EVEN MORE THANKS FOR BEIN MI FRIEND. TY FOR BEIN THERE FOR ME EVEN THOUGH I SORT OF TURNED MY BACK ON U. TOOO THE REST OF THE FAM I LOVE U GUYS DEARLY AND TY.....MOM[KELLY] AND MI BROTHAS MAN YALL SHOWED ME THE WORLD...I KNO I WASNT WAT YALL WANTED IN A SISTA AND A DAUGHTER BUT I AM TRYIN....I MEAN I LOOK AT THE PICTURES I HAVE OF US AND I CRY EVERY TIME BECAUSE I LOVED YALL SO MUCH WHETHER IT WAS FAKING GETTIN HURT OR ACTUALLY GETTIN HURT AND THEN TRYIN TO GET MOM TO BELIEVE, MIKE TY AND LEN I LOVE YALL SOOO MUCHHH.....MANNN AND MOMMM YEAH I DONT KNO IF U KNO IT BUT EVERYTHIN I DO I DO IN HOPES TO MAKE YOU HAPPY....I HOPE THAT I AM LIVING UP TO THE DAUGHTER THAT YOU WANTED ME TO BE......TO MI SUPA HERO I KNO THAT YOU AINT THINK THAT YOU WAS GOING TO MAKE IT HERE ON MY THANK YOUS BUT YOU DID....YOU GIVE ME SO MANY LAUGHS AS WELL AS SOO MANY TEARS AND I THANK YOU....YOU MADE ME FEEL SOOO GOOD ABOUT MYSELF...YOU MADE BELIEVE THAT I WAS SUMONE SPECIAL AND I THANK YOU FOR THAT....YOU HELLPED ME REALIZE THAT I CAN LOVE AND THAT I CAN LOVE HARD......TO THE NEWEST PERSON IN MY LIFE (IM NOT SAYIN YA NAME CUZ YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE) I AM WAITIN FOR YOU TO PLAY YOUR JOKERS.....I DONT HAVE ANYMORE BOOKS IN MY HAND AND WE CANT LET THE OTHER TEAM WIN....LMAOOOO SIKEEE UMMM U KNO U NEEDED A PLACE ON MY THANK YOU LIST BECAUSE U ARE NEW IN THE PICTURE....BUT THANK YOU FOR CUMMIN TO MY LIFE AND MAKING SHIT A LIL BIT EASIER.....WAIT WAIT WAIT I FORGOT WELL I AINT FORGET WELL I DID....SIMBAAAAAAAAAA BABI I LOVE YOU TO DEATH...WE HAVE OUR TIMES WHEN I JUST WANNA CUT YOU OUT MY LIFE AND SAY FUCK YOU BUT I CANT...I KNO THAT YOU ARE THE FIRST PERSON THAT I CALL WHEN I AM HAPPY, SAD, HURT, IIGHT SHITT YOU JUST THE FIRS PERSON I CALL....I WILL ALWAYS KNO THAT WITHIN I AM IN THE PRIDE LAND AND THAT YOU WILL SAVE ME FROM ANY HEYNA TRYIN TO HURT ME....I LOVE YOU TO DEATH GIRL, YOU ARE MORE THAN JUST MI BEST FRIEND YOU ARE MY LIFE....UMMM IS THERE ANYONE ELSE....TO ALL MY FRIENDS AND FAM THAT I DIDNT SAY YOUR NAME I STILL LOVE YOU GUYS A LOT...YOU GUYS KEEP ME SANE WITHIN THIS CRAZY WORLD....THANK YOU ALL AND I LOVE YOU

MON MAY 26--5:46 AM

A LIL RANT ABOUT PPL AND THEY VIEWS OF MI LIFE

WHY DOES EVERYONE FEEL LIKE THEY KNOW WATS BEST FOR ME AND MI LIFE....I AM YOUNG YESS AND YESS I GOT A LOT OF LIFE TO LIVE BUT I HAVE BASICALLY BEEN ON MI OWN SINCE I WAS 12...SINCE MI MOTHER PUT MI ASS OUT AND I STEPPED FOOT INTO FOSTER CARE I HAVE BEEN ALL ALONE....I HAVE LEARNED THAT THE PPL WHO U THINK IS UR FRIENDS AND FAMILY ARE THE ONE THAT WILL FUCK YOU OVER THE MOST...THAT U CANT LOOK TO JUST ANYONE FOR HELP EVEN IF THEY SAY THAT THEY GOIN TO HELP YOU CANT ALWAYS TRUST THEM...BUT ANYWHOOO BACK TO WAT I WAS SAYIN BUT UMM YEAH EVERYONE WANT TO SIT AND SAY THAT AINT GOOD AND THIS AINT GOOD AND YOU NEED TO DO THIS OR YOU NEED TO DO THAT...LISTEN JUST BECAUSE THE SHIT MAY HVAE WORKED FOR YOU DONT MEAN THAT T IS GOING TO WORK FOR ME...JUST BECAUSE YOU WORKED A 9-5 DONT MEAN THAT I CAN....I AM NOT SYAIN NOTHIN ABOUT PPL THAT GIVE ADVICE BUT IT IS A MAJOR DIFFERENCE IN GIVIN ADVICE AND TELLIN A PERSON WAT THEY NEED TO DO....BUT I GUESS WAT I AM TRYIN TO SAY IS LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE AND LET ME MAKE MY MISTAKES...LET ME LIVE MY LIFE...LET ME FUCK UP....LET ME CRY AND BECOME HEART BROKEN...LET ME CRY AND FURTHER MORE LET ME FALL ON MI ASS TILL I CANT GET UP....I WILL LEARN BUT WITH PPL ALWAYS TELLIN ME WAT I NEED TO DO JUST MAKE ME DO THE OPPOSITE...THATS ALL BYE

MON MAY 26--4:57 AM

OK SOOO I THOUGHT I COULD HANG

I THOUGHT I COULD HANG AROUND AND BE HER DOOR MAT BUT I CANT...I BELIEVE IN YOU KNOW PUTTIN UP WITH ALL THAT I CAN AND DEALING WITH THE THE WORST JUST BECAUSE I KNOW ONE DAY IT WILL GET BETTER BUT I CANT RIGHT NOW....I HAVE TOO MUCH SHITT IN MY LIFE AS TO WHERE I NEED SUM1 STABLE IN MY LIFE TO BE THERE AND HELP ME ALONG THE WAY.....YOU TELL ME DONT CALL YOU FOR A WEEK AT YET I CALL U JUST TO MAKE SURE U LIVING AND WAT DO I GET...."OH WATS UP YEAH I GOT A HEAD ACHE SOO CALL ME TOMORROW" THATS ALL THAT I GET OUT OF YOU...ARE U SERIOUS...BUT YEAT SHE LOVES ME AND SHE WANTS ME TOO BE HER WIFE...MAN BULLSHITTT......THAT TYPE OF SHIT MAKES ME LOOK DEEPER THAN THE ACTUAL SITUATION AS TO WHERE HER VALUES ARE....LIKE IF THATS HOW YOU TREAT THE PERSON THAT U CLAIMIN YOU LOVE HOW DO U TREAT THE PPL THAT U JUST LIKE...OH WAIT UR HOMIES GET MORE TIME THAN ME....I MEAN LIKE I SAID BEFORE I DONT WANNA BE THE ONE THAT TAKES ALL HER TIME BUT LIKE I DONT EVEN GET A WEEK......SOOO I HAVE CAME TO THE CONCLUSION THAT IT IS TIME THAT I DO SOMETHING FOR ME....I HAVE TO LET GO OF THE THE THINGS AND THE PPL THAT ARE POLLUTIN MI LIFE....AND AS MUCH AS IT HURTS TO SAY SHE IS THE NUMBER ONE THING.....YESSSS I DOOO LOVE HER BUT I CANT DEAL WITH HER LIFE STYLE...I CANT HANDLE THE FACT WHERE I AM OUT OF THE LOOP AND NOT KNOWIN IF SHE IS ONLY LIVING.......BUT I MEAN HEYYY I MEAN MAYBE IT IS WAT IS FOR THE BETTER.....MAYBE I NEED TO LET SHITT GO AND THINK ABOUT JUST ME....THEN I GUESS I WILL FINALLY BE HAPPY....I NEED TO WORK ON SHIT FOR ME AND IF A PERSON AINT DOWN FOR HELPIN ME THEN I NO LONGER WANT THEM IN MY LIFE...IF THEY AINT WITH MAKIN SHITT EASIER I DONT NEED THEM BEING HERE MAKIN IT HARD....SOOOO I GUESS TO HER, I DOOO LOVE U BUT WE CANT BE....WE CAME FROM TO DIFFERENT LIFESTYLES AND I CAN NOT BE THE ONLY ONE TRYIN TO ADJUST MINE....BUT I DO LOVE U AND TRUST U WILL ALWAYS BE MI SUPA HERO.....BUT OUR RELATIONSHIP CAN GO NO FARTHER.....AND JUST SOO EVERYONE KNOWS NO I AM NOT BREAKIN UP WITH HER ON THE INTERNET SHE DOESNT READ THE SHIT THAT I TAKE MI TIME TO WRITE BECAUSE IT DOESNT FIT IN HER BUSY SCHEDULE OF SMOMKIN WEED AND TALKIN SHIT.....SOOOO YEAH THATS ALLL.......DUECES MODEL

MON MAY26--4:53 AM

A LETTA TO THE MAN I CALLED DADDI

I DREAMED OF THE DAY I WOULD MEET YOU. THE DAY I WOULD LOOK YOU IN THE FACE AND SAY "HEY DAD". WHEN I COULD BRAG TO MY FRIENDS ABOUT HOW OVER PROTECTIVE U WERE OR HOW COOL YOU WERE i JUST WANTED MY FATHER. I WANTED TO HAVE YOU IN MI LIFE SO BAD. tHAT DAY AT 11:16 AM THAT YOU CALLED MY PHONE I HAD THOUGHT MY SEARCH WAS OVER. THAT THE DREAM HAD FINALLY BECAME A REALITY AND THAT FOR ONCE I WAS COMPLETE. THE FIRST TIME I MET YOU, YOU WERE PISSY DRUNK YET I SAID IMMA GIVE YOU ANOTHER CHANCE AND I DID. I WAS ON YOUR SIDE FROM DAY 1. BUT THE KEY WORD IN THAT SENTENCE WAS THE WORD WAS. I AM NO LONGER ON YOUR TEAM. I WOULD SPIT ON YOUR JERSEYS. YOU ARE THE COMPLETE OPPOISTE OF WAT I DREAMED. I WANTED ME A STRONG DADDI TO KEEP DRAMA AWAY AND WAT DID YOU DO. YOU BROUGHT RIGHT TO ME. I WANTED YOU TO PROTECT ME FROM LIARS BUT YOU WERE THE MAIN ONE. JOHN YOUR A FUCKIN LIAR AND I HAVE BEGUN TO BELIEVE THAT YOU NO LONGER KNOW THAT YOU ARE LYING. THAT IS BOTH SICK AND SAD AT THE SAME TIME. I JUST DONT UNDERSTAND YOU. WAT DID I DO TO YOU?????

-------------------------------------MI FEELINGS ON EACH THING----------------------------------------

1.) DRUG HABIT---I WISH THAT YOU WOULD HAVE TOLD ME. I HAVE BEEN THROUGH SO MUCH SHITT WITH MY MOTHER AND DRUGS THAT IF YOU WOULD HAVE TOLD ME I WOULD HAVE BEEN MORE LOW-KEY. BUT YOU KEPT IT FROM ME AND I HAVE BEEN COMPLETLY HONEST WITH YOU. AND TO THINK I WAS SCARED TO TELL YOU THAT I WAS GAY SHITTTT U OUT DID ME ON THAT ONE. I PROBABLY WOULDNT OF RUSHED MY COMING UP HERE BUT I WOULD HAVE ACCEPTED IT.

2.) STEALING MY MONEY----KARMA IS A BITCH BUT DAMN. THE ONLY MONEY I HAD. I WORKED FOR IT AND YOU TOOK IT. THAT WAS SOO SOO LAME. ALL U HAD TO DO WAS ASK. BUT THAT IS MATERIALISTIC SOOO I AM I COULD CARE LESS BUT IS THE PRINCIPLE.

3.) FOOD STAMPS--- YOU PUT US IN A SUPER JAM BUT LIKE THE MONEY IT AINT THAT U SPENT THEM ITS THE PRINCIPLE.

4.)THE WALK AND THE LIES ABOUT THE CARD---I TOLD YOU THAT I HAVE ISSUES WITH MY HIP AND AT THE CURRENT TIME I DONT HAVE MEDICAL TO GO TO THE DOCTOR SO I CAN NOT DO NOTHIN TO MESS WITH THEM AND YOU MADE ME WALK ALL THE WAY DOWN TO WHERE I DONT KNO FOR U ONLY TO BE LYING. YOU MADE ME WALK LIKE A MILE. AND NOW I AM HAVING ISUES WITHT THEM TO WHERE IT HURT WHEN I WALK. YOU PUT MY HEALTH AT RISK AND YOU DIDNT EVEN CARE. YOU DONT CARE THAT I CANT WALK RIGHT NOW. JUSTAS LONG AS YOU KEPT UP YOUR LIE. BUT EVEN WORSE YOU LIED TO MY FACE. HOW LOW CAN YOU GET? I ASKED DID YOU USE THEM. DO YOU KNO WHAT YOU TOLD ME??? "WHY LIE NOW" AND I BELIEVED YOU.... SO STUPID OF ME. OH WAIT YUO LEFT $.24. SOMEONE GIVE HIM THE MAN OF THE YEAR AWARD. MAN FUCK YOU.

5.) LASTLY THE BIGGEST ONE IF YOU THOUGHT I WASN'T YOUR DAUGHTER WHY BRING ME UP HERE. fOR YOU TO SAY THAT I AM THE NEXT NIGGA BABY. THAT SHIT CRUSHED EVERYTHING THAT I HAD FOR YOU. THROUGH ALL THIS I STILL TRIED TO FIND LIGHT AND SMILE IN YA NAME. BUT NOW MAN GO AHEAD. A WASTE OF TIME. YOU JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE. THANK YOU FOR NOT HELPING ME ADD. THANK YOU FOR ADDING HEART ACHE BUT SINCE I AM THE NEST MAN BABY DON'T WRITE ME BACK. NO WAIT CAN YOU STEER ME IN THE DIRECTION TO MY REAL DADDY, A REAL MAN NOT NO LITTLE BITCH. BECAUSE THATS ALL YOU ARE.

BUT I AM ABOUT TO END THIS SHIT BECAUSE YOU LUCKY I GAVE YOU A LITTLE BIT OF TIME. THANK YOU FOR NOTHING. THANK YOU FOR THE EMBARRASSMENT OF MAKING FRONT PAGE NEWS. AND THANK YOU FOR THE LIES AND HEART ACHE. IF THEY LET YOU OUT AND YOU COME BACK I AM LEAVING. I AHTE YOU. MY PLAY DAD (WHO IS ACTUALLY A FEMALE) GETS MORE LOVE AND RESPECT THAN YOU WILL EVER GET! ANOTHER FUCKED UP PARENT ADDED TO MY LIFE THANK YOU. BUT JUST SO YOU KNOW I MADE IT 19YRS WITHOUT THE BOTH OF YOU PUSSIES AND TRUST I WILL MAKE IT. LAME ASS. I DO HOPE YOU GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER BECAUSE MY SISTERS AND YOUR GIRL NEED YOU. BUT AS FOR ME FUCK YOU.

I STILL GOTS LOVE FOR YOU BUT I CANT FUCK WITH YOU
CHARDAY

OHHH SHITTT LEMME INTRODUCE MISELF

HEY WELLLL THANK U FOR CUMMIN TO MI BLOGG.......MI NAME IS CHARDAY BUT I GO BY THE NAME MODELLLL....I DONT NOT MODEL BUT I HAVE THE BODY FRAME OF A MODEL AND I LOVE TO BE IN FRONT OF THE CAMERA SOOOO A GROUP OF FRIENDS GAVE ME THE NICKNAME MODEL AND IT HAS JUSTTT STUCK WITH ME......WELLL I AM 19 YRS OLD....UMMMMM WAT ELSE I LOVE PEPSI AND CANDY.....I AM A LESBIAN I DO HAVE A GIRLFRIEND BUT UMMM YEAH SHITTT IS ROCKY WITH US RIGHT NOW SOOO I DONT KNO BUT THATS MI BABI AND I LOVE HER...BUT ANYWHOOOOOO UMMMMM YEAH SOO THIS IS MI BLOG U GONNA GET SUM GOOD SHITTT SUMM BAD SHITT AND SUM OKKK SHITTTT......LMAOOOOO BUTTT UMMMM YEAH THANK YOU....MODEL

MON MAY 19 2008--4:30 PM

AM I NOT WORTH IT?????

I AM ALWAYS GETTING SECOND PLACE IN EVERYONES HEART......SO DOES THAT MEAN I AM NOT GOOD ENOUGHT FOR THE NUMBER 1 SPOT????? WHEN WALKIN INTO ANY RELATIONSHIP I ALWAYS HOLD A PERSON AT THE HIGHEST PLACE POSSIBLE....AT YET I AM THE "OK WELL I WILL GET AROUND TO HER WHEN I CAN" OR THE "PERSON THAT U CAN PUT OFF TILL TOMORROW"...AND I AM NOT..I DESERVE TO BE ASKED AT LEAST ONCE A DAY 'HEY ARE U OK OR DO YOU NEED TO TALK ABOUT SUMTHIN'...LIKE I KNOW THAT I HAVE A GOOD HEART AND I TRY TO STAY POSITIVE ALL THE TIME BUT RIGHT NOW I AM READY TO GIVE UP...THE WORLD IS A TOUGH THING AND TO HAVE TO FACE IT ON YOUR OWN IS CRAZY.....AND NO I AM NOT WRITING THIS TO COME AT ONE PERSON OR ASK FOR SYMPATHY BECAUSE I KNOW THAT IN THE END ITS JUST ME AND I NEED TO HANDLE SHITT ON MY OWN...BUT THEN I THINK WHY DO I HAVE FRIENDS...IF EVEN WHEN I NEED TO TALK YOUR NOT THERE.....LIKE THEN EVERYONE SAYS WELL IF THEY AINT THERE FOR YOU NEED THEM CUT THEM OFF....IF I CUT THEM OFF THEN I WONT HAVE NO ONE IN MY LIFE AND I WILL FEEL JUST AS LONELY AS I DID BEFORE I CUT THEM OFF....SO WITH ME DOIN EITHER I STILL FEEL AS IF I AM LOSIN......SO I MEAN WATS THE POINT.... I AM THE TYPE OF PERSON WHO U COULD CALL ANYTIME OF THE NIGHT AND I WILL TALK TO YOU OR IF NEEDED SOMETHING AND I HAD THEN YOU KNOW IT WA SYOURS...I COULD , YOU KNOW, JUST CHANGE MI WAY OF LIVING...I COULD BE THE BITCH THAT I KNOW THAT I HAVE IN ME....BE IN THIS JUST FOR ME AND SAY FUKK WHOEVER I HURT ALONG THE WAY.....SINCE THATS THE ATTITUDE THAT SEEMS TO GET SOO MANY PPL THAT I MEET ALONG....BUT THAT IS SOOO MUCH ENERGY TO BE MEAN AND NOT HELP PPL LIKE I DONT KNOW HOW TO BE LIKE THAT....BUT MY WAY OF LIVIN ISNT WORKIN...UGHHHHH I DONT KNOW.....I JUST WISH THAT I COULD FEEL I AM SPECIAL AND THAT I MAKE A DIFFERENCE...I WANT TOKNO THAT SOMEONE IS HAPPY TO HAVE ME IN THEIR LIFE AS WELLAS KNOW THAT I GOT SUMONE THERE TO BE ON MY SIDE BECAUSE AS OF NOW I FEEL SOO ALONE IN THIS WORLD OF SOO MANY PPL.....BUT YEAH I JUST HAD TO LET A LITTLE BIT OF SHITT OFF......MODEL

MON MAY 19 2008---12:00 PM