SO QUICK TO WALK AWAY

I MUST HAVE FUCK MY FEELINGS WRITTEN ON MY FACE....EVERYTIME MY LIFE SEEMS TO BE GOING GOOD I GET FUCKED UP..AND IN MY LAST BLOG I TOOK FULL RESPONSIBLITIY ...I ALWAYS SEEM TO TAKE THE BLAME FOR SHIT WHEN I AM IN THE RELATIONSHIP....JUST BECAUSE I HATE HOSTILITY BUT NOW I AM SOOO DONE WITH IT......LIKE I AM NOT WRONG FOR LOVING YOU....AND YES I LOVE HARD HOW ELSE ARE U SUPPOSE TO LOVE? HALF WAY? A FOURTH OF THE WAY? UHHHH NO WHEN YOU TELL SOMEONE YOU LOVE THEM YOUR ARE SUPPOSE TO REALLY LOVE THEM...DO ANYTHING JUST TO SEE THEM SMILE..BE THE ONE WHO WANTS TO MAKE THEIR WORLD BETTER...BUT I GUESS MY DEFINITION OF LOVE IS WRONG...WHEN SOMEONE TELLS ME THEY LOVE THEY HURT ME...THEY MAKE ME CRY....THEY LEAVE ME....THEY JUST BASICALLY SEEM NOT TO GIVE TWO FUCKS ABOUT MY FEELINGS.....SOOOO MAYBE IT IS LIKE OPPOSITE DAY BUT THE DAY JUST SEEMS TO LAST FOR A LIFETIME WITH ME...THIS ALWAYS HAPPENS TO ME WHETHER IT WAS WITH A RELATIONSHIP OR A FOSTER HOME OR WITH A BIOLOGICAL FAMILY THEY NEVA REALLY LOVE ME...THEY TELL ME THAT TO MAKE ME FEEL GOOD I GUESS.....BUT I AM SOOO TIRED....LIKE I KNOW I HAVE ISSUES EVERYONE DOES....MY ATTITUDE SUCKS IT DOES MAYBE IF PEOPLE WOULD JUST TREAT ME AS IF I AM A PERSON AND NOT AN OBJECT WE WOULD BE COOL...OR MAYBE IF PEOPLE WOULD JUST KEEP IT REAL WITH ME I WOULD BE NICE.....I KNO I HAVE ATTACHMENT ISSUES TO WHERE I CATCH FELINGS FAST...TRY BEING RIPPED AWAY FROM YOUR FAMILY, AND THEN BEING RIPPED AWAY FROM PEOPLE WHO U THINK ARE YOUR FAMILY OR HOW ABOUT KNOWING THAT EVERY PERSON THAT ENTERS IS GONNA LEAVE AND U JUST WANNA BE LOVED.....LIKE I HAVE NEVER HAD A STABLE HOME NEVER OR HAD JUST ONE PERSON IN MY LIFE WHO WANTS TO BE THERE ALWAYS THRU WATEVA......BUT LIKE I AM NOT GONNA SIT HERE AND BE SAD AND COMPLAIN OR SAY ANYTHING ELSE BUT I AM A GOOD WOMAN....I AM A GOOD PERSON....AND I AM A GOOD FRIEND...I ONLY ASK THAT FROM EVERYONE TO TREAT ME THE SAME AS I TREAT YOU.....THATS ALL I WANT OUT OF ANY RELATIONSHIP....I JUST WANNA SMILE....I CANT THOUGH BECAUSE PEOPLE DONT REALIZE THAT JUST AS SCARED AS YOU ARE I AM TOO....JUST AS BAD AS YOU HAVE INNER PERSONAL ISSUES I HAVE THEM TOO...AND THE ONLY THING WE CAN DO IS WORK TOGETHER OR SAY FUCK IT BUT IF YOU ONLY GONNA GIVE UP THEN WHY COME IN....BUT I WILL SAY THIS BEFORE I END THIS....I AM NOT A FUCKING TOY....AND MY FEELINGS ARENT EITHER....SOOOO PLEASE WHEN ENTERING MY LIFE KNOW THAT AND PLEASE TREAT ME AS IF I AM HUMAN...I DO MAKE MISTAKES AND I WILL DO THINGS THAT ARE NOT TO YOUR LIKIN BUT THAT IS WAT MAKES ME ME AND YOU YOU.....YOU DONT HAVE TO RUN FROM ME OR BE SCARED.....I WOULD NEVER WANT ANYONE TO FEEL THE WAY I AM FEELING RIGHT NOW...THIS FEELING OF STRAIGHT UGHHH IS OVER ME AND I KNOW THAT.....THIS IS CRAZI....SOOO PLEASE CUT THE ROPE IF YOU AINT GONNA BE HANGING OUT THERE NEXT ME......MODEL

BUT TOOO THAT ONE PERSON....I STILL LOVE YOU....AND I WILL LOVE YOU...I SIT HERE AND I CRY BECAUSE I DO LOVE YOU AND NOT BECAUSE I AM UPSET THAT WE ARENT TOGETHER (WELL I AM) BUT BECAUSE I WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY AND AS A FRIEND (NOT YA GIRL) I WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY SOO IF THAT MEANS NO MORE US THEN SOO BE IT.....BUT JUST KNOW I LOVE YOU....JUST KNOW THAT I AM STILL HERE AND I STILL WANT TO MAKE THIS WORK AND I WILL DO WHATEVER I CAN DO TO MAKE THIS WORK BUT IF YOU DO NOT FEEL THAT WAY JUST LET ME KNOW EITHER IMMA BE HURT BUT I WILL HOLD MY HEAD HIGH.....AND BE OK SOOO PLZZZ DONT DRAG ME ALONG

I JUST WANNA SMILE

I FUCK UP EVERYTHING THAT I START....I AM LIKE A WASTE OF LIFE NOW....SHIT JUST DOESNT EVER EVER GO RIGHT WHEN IT COMES DOWN TO ME...I HAD A REALLY GOOD PERSON IN MY LIFE BUT YET AGAIN I LET MY MOUTH FUCK SHIT UP....YEAH I TALK ABOUT HER ALL DAY...I WAS SOOO FUCKIN HAPPY THAT I FINALLY HAD SOMEONE IN MY LIFE THAT MADE ME SMILE THAT KEPT ME SMILING AND JUST MADE ME WANT TO BE CHARDAY...I COULDNT HELP THAT I WANTED TO BRAG ABOUT HER SOOO I WOULD....I DONT KNOW EVERY CONVERSATION THAT I HAD CONSIST OF ME TALKIN ABOUT HER WHETHER I WAS MAD OR NOT I TALKED ABOUT HER...AND I GUESS IF THAT WAS MY CRIME...THEN SOO BE IT.....BUT FOR HER TO JUST WALK AWAY BECAUSE I GET MAD IS JUST SOOO FUCKING CRAZY...LIKE I HUNG UP ON HER....I HANG UP ON EVERYONE WHEN THEY GET ON MY NERVES....AND I WAS HOLLERING AT HER AND I DIDNT WANT TO KEEP IT GOING...I MISSED HER I DIDNT TALK TO HER IN LIKE TWO DAYS...I JUST WANTED TO TALK TO MY GIRLFRIEND AND NOW WE OVER...SHE SAID IF I EVER HANG UP ON HER NOT TO EVER CALL HER AGAIN...SHE SAYS THE WAY I LOVE HER SCARES HER...I EVE OFFERED TO ACT LIKE I DONT LOVE HER JUST SOOO SHE WOULDNT LEAVE ME....BUT NOPE THAT WASNT GOOD ENOUGH....SOOOO I MEAN I DONT WANT TO LOOSE HER....I DONT WANNA NOT BE ABLE TO CALL HER MINE.....I LOVE HER TO DEATH....BUT I DONT KNO I CAN NOT STOP CRYING RIGHT NOW.....LIKE I FEEL LIKE I JUST LOST MY BEST FRIEND.....UGHHHHH IDK...KERRA IF U READ THIS I AM SORRY...I LOVE U.....I TALK ABOUT U BECAUSE I LOVE U LIKE I DONT MEAN IT THE WAY THAT U TAKING IT....BUT I MEAN ITS COOL I LOVE U AND I AM SORRY THAT IT SCARES U...I LOVE U AND WHEN I REALIZED THAT I WANTED TO BE WITH U I COULDNT HELP THAT MY FEELINGS ARE SO STRONG...BUT I MEAN I LOVE U AND I HOPE THAT U CHANGE UR MIND

DEAR GOD....

I SOOOO KNOW THAT I MISSED CHURCH YESTERDAY I AM SOOOO SORRY....YOU KNOW I LIKE TO SLEEP MY LIFE AWAY....NEXT WEEKEND I PROMISE EVEN IF I HAVE TO STAY UP ALL NIGHT LONG....I AM GOING EVEN IF I HAVE TO GO BY MYSELF.....BUT ANYWAY I JUST WANTED TO SAY THANK YOU FOR MY LIFE....THANK YOU FOR ALLOWING ME TO WAKE UP EVERYDAY....PLEASE PLEASE WATCH OVER MY FAMILY AND FRIENDS IN PHILADELPHIA...THEY MEAN SOO MUCH TO ME I MIGHT NOT SHOW IT BUT YOU KNOW LORD THAT ARE MY BACK BONE....PLEASE WATCH OVER MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY OUT HERE IN GA....THEY WERE HERE WHEN I WAS UNABLE TO FINISH THE TEST THAT YOU PLACED UPON ME....AT THE TIME OF THE TEST I DIDNT REALIZE IT WAS A TEST....BUT THEY TOOK ME OUT OF IT AND I AM SOOO GREATFUL FOR THEM....PLEASE WATCH OVER KERRA SHE IS GOING THROUGH A LOT AND SHE NEEDS THE STRENGTH TO MAKE IT....AND PLEASE HELP ME TO BE ABLE TO HELP HER THROUGH WHATEVER ISUES SHE IS GOING THROUGH....BUT LORD PLEASE HELP ME...I NEED TO GET BACK ON MY FEET AND BE ABLE TO TAKE CARE OF MSELF...I KNOW THAT I NEED TO ALWAYS BE OPEN TO HELP AND I WILL BUT PLEASE HELP ME TO FOND A JOB AND BE ABLE TO CONTRIBUTE TO HOUSEHOLD THINGS....HELP ME TO GROW UP A LITTLE MORE THAN WHAT I HAVE....BUT AGAIN LORD I THANK YOU FOR LIFE ITSELF....I HAVE BEEN SOO HAPPY LATELY....THANK YOU FOR GIVING ME A HOME AND PEOPLE WHO LOVE ME IN LIFE...THANK YOU FOR GIVING ME EVERYTHING I HAVE...BUT I THINK THAT IS IT.....LOVE ALWAYS CHARDAY

COUNTIN DOWN THE DAYS

WELL AS OF RIGHT NOW WE HAVE 8 MORE DAYS UNTIL IWE SEE EACH OTHER....OMGGGG I AM SOOO GEEKED UP....LIKE I CAN NOT WAIT...LIKE I HOPE EVERYTHING GOES AS PLANNED...I HAVE FELLL IN LOVE WIT YOUR MIND...NOT NOTHING SEXUAL BUT YA MIND.....SOOOO I AM COUNTIN DOWN THE DAYS I HAVE GIVEN PPL THEY RULES AND I AM JUST SITTIN BACK WAITING FOR THE FIRST....MOST PEOPLE DREAD THAT TIME BECAUSE IT IS RENT AND BILLS TIME BUT NOT ME....IT IS ONE OF THE HAPPIEST TIMES OF MY LIFE....I CANNOT WAIT....

ITS COLD



I AM SCARED....



I HEAR A NOISE.....WHOSE THAT?



OMG PLEASE DONT LET IT BE THE COPS....I HAVE NO WHERE TO GO....I JUST WANNA LAY HERE AND HOPE TO FALL ASLEEP AND THEN I CAN DREAM ABOUT A NICE BED AND FOOD TO EAT....OH I HATE IT OUT HERE....I HAVE NO BLANKET....THIS SURFACE IS HARD...I AM GLAD I AT LEAST GOT A PILLOW....

LEMME COUNT SOME SHEEP..ONE, TWO, THREE.....DAYUM I AINT TIRED I AM TOO SCARED....WELLL LETS THINK AM I GOING TO SCHOOL TOMORROW...NOPE I HAVE TO SHOWER...DAMN WHERE I AM GOING TO DO THAT....MAYBE I CAN GO TO THE LIBRARY AND USE THE SINK.....YEAH THATS WHAT I WILL DO AND THEN I WILL GO TO MY FRIEND HOUSE AND SEE IS SHE WILL GIVE ME SOME FOOD.....DAMN WHAT DID I DO TO HER???? NOTHING I CAME IN TEN MINUTES LATE..OMGGGG I THOUGHT SHE LOVED ME....

OH WAIT WHATS THAT NOISE???? A CRACK HEAD...PLEASE DONT COME OVER HERE I DONT HAVE NOTHING...PLEASE DNT COME OVER HERE...YESSSSS HE INT COMING OVER HERE

BACK TO THE SHEEP COUNTING FOUR, FIVE, SIX...UGHHHHHH PLEASE CHARDAY JUST GO TO SLEEP....NO ONE IS GOING TO GET ME....I HAVE SLEPT HERE FOR THE LAST TWO WEEKS AND NOTHING BUT IT SEEMS LIKE EVERY NIGHT I AM STILL SCARED TO DEATH....WELL MAYBE TOMORROW SHE WILL COME AROUND...MAYBE SHE WILL REALIZE SHE LOVES ME....SIKE THATS A THOUGHT.....MAN I AM HUNGRY I WISH I HAD A PLATE OF FOOD...I DONT EVEN CARE IF IT IS SOME NASTY LIVER....I NEED SOME FOOD.....SHITTTTT

MAN IM AM JUST GOING TO GO HOME AND TELL HER I LOVE HER AND I AM SORRY...I AM JUST GOING TO HAVE TO LET HER BEAT ME...AND ID SHE DONT TAKE ME BACK IM AM GOING TO CALL THE COPS...THATS IT I WILL CALL THEM AND TELL THEM TO HELP BECAUSE SHE DONT WANT ME...THAT MIGHT SCARE HER AND THEN SHE WILL KEEP ME....OMGGGGG MY BODY IS SOOO TIRED BUT MY EYES WONT CLOSE.....I JUST WANT TO DREAM OF BETTER DAYS....

MAYBE IF I SAY MY PRAYERS IT WILL HELP ME.....DEAR GOD, I KNOW THAT IT IS YOU THAT KEEPS ME SFE WHILE I SLEEP HERE EVERY NIGHT.....PLEASE HELP HER REALIZE THAT I DONT DESERVE THIS...JUST TELL HER I AM SORRY AND THAT I WANT TO COME BACK HOME... PLEASE LET HER KNOW THAT I LOVE HER AND THAT I JUST WANT HER TO LOVE ME....I PROMISE I WILL COME IN ON TIME AND WHEN SHE HITS ME I WILL CRY....JUST PLEASE DONT LET ME HAVE TO SLEEP HERE AGAIN....IN YOUR NAME I PRAY...AMEN

YEAH THATS WHAT I NEEDED TO DO..YESSSS I AM TIRED...SEVEN, EIGHT, NINE, TEN...ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

REFLECTIONS....

TODAY WAS A DAY WHERE I DID NOTHING...I ONLY CAME OUT MY ROOM TO GET FOOD....WHICH I ATE IN MY ROOM...I REALLY DID NOT SAY TO MUCH TO ANYONE BUT I SAT BACK AND I WAS JUST THINKIN ABOUT SHIT I HAVE DONE TO PPL AND SHIT PPL HAVE DONE TO ME AND THE WAY I ACT ABOUT CERTAIN THINGS.....LIKE THINGS IS CRAZI...THOUGHTS IN MY HEAD ARE EVEN WORSE....LIKE I HAVE THIS ATTITUDE THAT SUCKS TO WHERE I JUST DONT GIVE A FUCK... LIKE I GET UP AND DO WAT I WANT TO DO AND I HAVE NO RESPECT FOR THE PEOPLE THAT I AHVE IN MY LIFE....I DONT MEAN TO BE THAT WAY BUT I HAVE THIS IDEA THAT I AM IN THIS WORLD ALONE AND THAT I HAVE TO JUST WORRY ABOUT ME....WELL RIGHT NOW I AM IN A RELATIONSHIP THAT MEANS SO MUCH TO ME THAT IT IS HARD TO BREAK THAT ATTITUDE BUT I AM WORKING...BUT EVEN THAT I SPOKE WITH MY GODSON WHOM I LOVE SOO MUCH AND HE WAS LIKE MOM MOM WHEN U COMING TO SEE ME???? AND I SAT THERE AND I WAS LIKE SOON AND THEN HE RESPONDED WITH A OK WELL I MISS U....THAT TORE ME UP BECAUSE HE IS ONLY YOUNG BUT I WAS HIS EVERYTHING AT ONE TIME...I WAS THE ONE FEEDING HIM CLOTHING HIM BEING HIS EVERYTHING AND I JUST WALKED OUT OF HIS LIFE...BUT I AM ALWAYS QUICK TO FAULT SOMEONE WHO DOES THAT ME...I AM LIKE THAT WITH EVERYTHING..WHENEVER I FEEL LIKE GETTING UP ND CHANGIN SCENES I DO SOOO AND DO NOT THINK ABOUT WHAT I AM LEAVING BEHIND.....LIKE I DONT KNO I DO THAT ALOT.......SOOOO ANOTHER THING THAT I WAS THINKIN ABOUT WAS HOW MUCH FEELING I PUT INTO SHIT....I THINK SOO DEEP INTO THINGS AND I EXPECT SOO MUCH OUT OF PEOPLE....LIKE YOU SAY YOU ARE GOING TO DO SOMETHING I WOULD HOPE THAT YOU WOULD DO IT....ESPECIALLY IF YOU OFFER....THEN YOU ARE SUPPOSE TO KEEP YOUR WORD...I HATE HATE FOR SOMEONE TO GO BACK ON WAT THEY SAY BECAUSE I GUESS THIS IS MY FAULT BUT I HOLD YOU TO YOUR WORD...I DONT KNO I AM SITTING HERE JUST THINKING....I DONT WANT NO ONE TO SIT HERE AND TELL ME THEY GOING TO DO ANYTHING BECAUSE IT IS A SET BACK....LIKE A PERSON SAYS THEY GONNA DO IT AND THEN THEY LET ME DOWN SOOOO WHEN SOMEONE GENUINE COMES I DONT WANT TO ACCEPT THEIR HELP BECAUSE I THINK THEY ARE JUST GOIN TO LET ME DOWN.....I DONT KNO


I JUST WANNA FINISH THIS IM OUTTTT....

WE GOTTA MAKE IT WORK

BABI IT IS ONLY ME AND YOU IN, WE THIS RELATIONSHIP SO WE GOTTA MKE IT WORK....I LOVE YOU TO DEATH AND TODAY I WAS SO SCARED THAT I WAS LOSING YOU.....LIKE I KNOW THAT EVERY COUPLE HAS THEY ISSUES BUT WHEN WE HAVE OURS IT JUST HURTS SOOO MUCH MORE....I KNOW THIS IS TURE LOVE AND I KNO THAT IF WE WANT IT TO WORK WE CAN MAKE IT....I WILL NEVA DO ANYTHING TO HURT YOU....NOR WILL I EVER LEAVE I AM IN THIS FOR THE LONG RUN AND I WILL ALWAYS HERE IF YOU ALLOW.....LIKE I HAVE NEVER GOT THE BLESSING FROM MY POPZ THE WAY I DID TODAY....BABI I KNO THAT I AM A GOOD WOMAN AND I KNOW THAT I CAN BRING A LOT OF HAPPINESS TO YOU.....BUT I AM GOING TO SIT HERE TODAY AND SAY THAT I WILL NOW ALLOW YOU TO LOVE ME....I HAVE BEEN OPEN BECAUSE I HAVE FALLING IN LOVE WITH YOU BUT I HAVENT SAT BACK AND ALLOWED YOU TO LOVE ME....I ALWAYS AND SAYIN OH I LOVE HER BUT I NEVER SAY SHE LOVES ME.....SOOO I GUESS I BEEN LIKE THAT BECAUSE WHEN I THINK SOMEONE LOVE ME THEY HURT ME.....BUT WITH YOU BABI I DONT THINK THAT...BUT I AM GOIN TO ALLOW YOU DO HELP ME LOVE ME AND ALL THE THINGS THAT YOU WANNA DO....I AM SORRY FOR ALL THE THINGS I HAVE DONE YOU ALREADI....FOR RAISING MY VOICE AND DISRESPECTING YOU IN ANY TYPE OF WAY.... I AM NOT USE TO FEELIN THE WAY THAT I AM FEELING.....BABI WHEN I THINK OF YOU I AM AT A LOSE FOR WORDS.....LIKE I AM JUST LIKE SITTIN THERE LIKE DAYUM I GOT SOMEONE GOOD IN MY LIFE....AND LIKE I ALWAYS THINK AM I GOOD ENOUGH FOR HER...BUT LISTEN I LOVE YOU SOO MUCH THAT I WILL DO WATEVA I HAVE TO DO....BABI I LOVE YOU AND I ONLY WANT YOU HAPPY....I WANT YOU TO SMILE EVERYTIME I SAY YA NAME....EVERYTIME U HEAR MY VOICE U GET BUTTERFLIES AND EVERYTIME YOU HEAR A LOVE SONG YOU THINK OF ME.....BECAUSE THATS HOW I FEEL ABOUT U....BUT BABI I THINK THAT TODAY WAS LIKE THE BEST DAY IN OUR RELATIONSHIP....WE ARGUED ALLL DAY BUT WE STILL ENDED ON A GOOD TIP {WE HAD TO GET A LIL ADVICE FROM THE OLD MAN} BUT I GUESS WATEVA SHE SAID TO AND WAT SHE SAID TO ME MADE US BOTH REALIZE THAT WE LOVE EACH OTHER.....BABI U NOT GETTING AWAY EVER....LMAOOOO NOT ON NO STALKA SHITTT BUT JUST ON SOME I LOVE YOU SHIT....U ARE MY HEART MY PRIDE AND ALL THAT OTHER GOOD SHITTT.....BUT OK IT IS LATE AND I AM TIRED I THINK.....I LOVE YOU ALWAYS CHARDAY

HAPPY BIRTHDAY && CONGRATS

WELLLL I JUST HAVE TO GIVE A MAJOR HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHOUT OUT TO KI {MI MOMMA} LMAOOO...GIRL U LOVE ME JUST LIKE A MOTHER SHOULD....U PLAY THE ROLE THAT NEEDS TO BE PLAYED...YOU ARE THE PERSON WHO I NEVA HAD....THE MOTHER I ALWAYS DREAMED OF HAVING...YOU ARE MY FRIEND AND I KNOW THAT YOU WOULDNT STEER ME IN THE WRONG DIRECTION.....THAT YOU ONLY WANT THE BEST FOR ME....I KNO I CAN WAKE YOU UP OUT YOUR SLEEP AND YOU WOULD TALK TO ME...YOU MAY GIVE THE HARSH SIDE OF THINGS BUT IT WILL BE THE RIGHT SIDE OF THINGS....I LOVE YOU TO DEATH...I THOUGHT WHEN YOU GOT HERE YOU WAS GOING TO TAKE MY POPZ FROM ME AND I WAS GONNA BE ALONE...I WAS WORRIED BUT I SAID I ONLY WANT THAT NIGGA TO BE HAPPY AND BRINGIN YOU HERE MADE HA THE HAPPIEST I HAVE EVER SEEN SOOOO I AM NO LONGER WORRIED I KNOW THAT YOU ARE HERE FOR THE GOOD....I LOVE YOU AS A MOTHER AS A FRIEND AS A HOMIE AS ROLE MODEL AND AS EVERYTHING THAT I COULD POSSIBLY THINK OF....THANK YOU...SO TO YOU ON YOUR SPECIAL DAY I HOPE THAT IT IS FILLED WITH LOVE AND HAPPINESS....I HOPE THAT YOU LOOK TO TOMORROW AND NOT YESTERDAY AND JUST WORK IT...YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL INSIDE OUT AND I HOPE THAT YOU WILL ALWAYS REMAIN TRUE TO YOURSELF....SO HAPPY BIRTHDAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY......MODELLL


AND NOW FOR THE CONGRATS.....I WANT TO SAY TO CONGRATULATIONS TO POPZ AND KI ON THEIR ENGAGEMENT....I KNEW IT WAS COMING I WAS JUST WAITIN....I AM SOOO HAPPY THAT YOU TWO FOUND EACH OTHER....THE SMILE THAT YOU TO PUT UPON EACHOTHER FACES IS LIKE THE MOST CUTEST THING IN THE WORLD....LIKE WHEN YALL IN ANOTHER ROOM ALL I EVA HEAR IS LAUGHTER...IT IS SOOO CUTE.....BUT I AM HAPPY THAT YALL BOTH LOVE EACH OTHER AND THAT YOU GUYS ARE HAPPY....I KNOW THAT YALL HAVE BEEN THRU SOO MUCH IN YALL RELATIONSHIP AND YET YOU GUYS ARE STILL HERE AND STILL STANDING STRONG.....YALL ARE MY MOTIVATION TO MAKE MY RELATIONSHIP (NOT SAYING I DONT LOVE MY BOO) BUT LIKE WHEN I LOOK AT YALL I AM LIKE I HOPE THAT ONE DAY I WILL MAKE MY BABI AS HAPPY AS KI MAKE MI POPZ.....BUT ANYWHOOOOO CONGRATS TOOO YALL I AM SOOO HAPPY....AND TELL THEM OTHER BITCHES TO GAG BECAUSE SHE SAID YES!!!!!! OH AND I AM SERIOUS I WANNA WEAR THE TOTO.....FAGS LOVE YALL

UGHHHHHH

I FEEL LIKE I BE SOOO LOST AT LIFE AT TIMES....WHYYYY IS IT THAT I ALLOW OTHER PEOPLE TO DICTATE MY FEELINGS....I ALLOW THEM TO CONTROL MY FEELINGS.....LIKE I CANT SEEM TO GET RIGHT.....MANNNNN WHEN I MEET PEOPLE I TRY TO JUST...MAN I AM SOOO FREAKIN LOST.....I WANNA BE MY OWN PERSON BUT IT SEEMS TO HARD....I NEED TO JUST SAY FUKK THE WORLD...U KNO WHAT FUKK THE WORLD IM DONE

FOSTER CARE....PT 1 (THE GOOD)

NOW EVERYONE KNOWS THAT I COULD RANT ALL DAY ABOUT FOSTER CARE....ABOUT HOW DIRTY IT DID ME OR ABOUT HOW IT FUKKED ME OVER BUT I AINT GONNA DO THAT .....I MEAN I AM JUST GONNA WRITE A LIL BIT ABOUT IT....WELL A LIL BACKGROUND ON ME WAS THAT I HAD BEEN IN FOSTER CARE FROM THE TIME I WAS 12 TILL I WAS 18...I AHVE BEEN IN ABOUT 25 HOMES, SHELTERS, AND GROUP HOMES...I WAS ACTUALLY WAS ACTUALLY BORN INTO FOSTERCARE BECAUSE MY MOTHER GAVE ME UP BEFORE I WAS EVEN RELEASED FROM THE HOSPITAL BUT I WAS ADOPTED BUT THEN MY BIO MOTHER CAME BACK INTO M LIFE AND GOT ME BACK...SHE ONLY KEPT ME FOR TWO YEARS AND THEN SHE PUT ME OUT AND I WAS HOMELESS... I HAD TO SLEEP IN A PARK AND THEN I FINALLY WENT BACK INO FOSTER CARE....OK SOOOO ANYWHO BACK TO WAT I WAS ORIGINALLY SAYING....FOSTER CARE HS ITS GOOD AND IT HAS ITS BADS... I GUESS THE GOODS WOULD BE THAT I WAS ABLE TO LIVE IN MANY DIFFERENT HOMES...LIKE I LEARNED ABOUT DIFFERENT NATIONALITYS AND CULTURES....I HAVE LIVED IN WHITE HOMES, BLACK HOMES, RICAN HOMES JUST A WHOLE LOT OF DIFFERENT HOMES AND I LEARNED A LOT ABOUT MANY DIFFERENT RACES....I THINK THAT IS SOO GREAT BECAUSE NOW I SORT OF NOW HOW TO HANDLE SITUATIONS WHEN DEALING WITH PEOPLE....UMMM WAT ELSE WAS GOOD ABOUT FOSTER CARE....IT OPENED ME UP TO MANY DIFFERENT OPPORTUNITIES, SOME OF THE THINGS I WOULD HAVE NEVER DREAMED OF DOING....I MADE A MOVIE WELL DOCUMENTARY.... A REAL ONE THAT WAS SHOWN IN A FILM FESTIVAL AND IS STILL BEING SHOWN THROUGHT OUT DIFFERENT PLACES (EVEN THOUGHT I AINT GETTIN PAID NO MORE AND PPL HAVE TO PAY TO SEE IT AND I DONT EVEN KNOW WHEN THEY SHOWIN IT ANYMORE) LIKE THATS WAS AN OPPORTUNITY OF A LIFE TIME....NOW PPL BE KNOWING ME AND I DONT BE KNOWING THEM...THEY JUST WALK UP TO ME AND BE LIKE HEYYY CHARDAY AND I BE LIKE AND YOU ARE AND THEY TELL ME THEY NAME...THEN THEY GO INTO TELLING ME THAT THEY SEEN MY FILM AND THEY REALLI LIKED IT,..I LOVED IT....I ALSO WAS A SEX ED TEACHER...THAT WAS ALSO A GREAT THING... I WORKED FOR A PLACE CALLED PLANNED PARENTHOOD...LIKE I LOVED TO TEACH YOUTH ABOUT THINGS THAT CAN HELP THEM...LIKE IT WAS SOO FUN IT KEPT ME INFORMED ON THE SHITTT THAT WAS GOIN AROUND AND I LOVE TO JUST TALK INFRONT OF PPL..... MAN I HAVE HAD SOME GOOD TIMES IN FOSTER CARE.....LIKE I GOT PAID FOR GOING TO A PROGRAM AND I DIDNT HAVE TO DO NOTHING BUT ACT A FOOL AT...LIKE FOSTER CARE PAYS FOR YOU TO GO TO SCHOOL EVEN THOUGHT I AINT GO...LIKE IT CAN HELP YOU GET A PLACE AND HELP PAYS YA BILLS.....LIKE FOSTER CARE HAS HELPED ME BE A STRONGER PERSON....LIKE I HAVE LEANRED TO STICK UP FOR MYSELF BETTER I HAVE ALSO LEARNED TO BE SUPER INDEPENDENT.....I LEARNED THAT I HAVE A VOICE....THAT IF I DONT LIKE SOMETHING THAT I KNOW HOW TO SPEAK UP AND KEEP IT RESPECTABLE....I HAVE ALSO LEARNED HOW TO MAKE THE BEST OF ANY SITUATION...THET IT MIGHT NOT BE GOOD....U MIGHT NOT HAVE A BED AND YOU ON THE FLOOR BUT YOU GOT A ROOF OVER YOUR HEAD....LIKE I DONT COMPLAIN I JUST TAKE WHAT I GOT AND KEEP IT GOING....I MEAN IF I NEVER WENT THRU FOSTER CARE I DONT KNOW WHAT TYPE OF PERSON I WOULD BE TODAY....I AM HAPPY THAT I HAD TO GO THRU IT BECAUSE I KNOW THAT IF I MADE IT THRU THAT I AM STRONG....SOOOO I MEAN IT AINT ALL BAD IT IS OK

LIFE....

OK SOOOO I AM NOW READI TO EXPLAIN MY ASPECT OF LIFE BECAUSE I AM LERNING THAT EVERYONE LOOKS AT IT TOTALLY DIFFERENT THEN ME.....I LAUGH AT LIFE..I DONT THINK IT IS A JOKE BUT I DONT BELIEVE THAT A PERSON SHOULD WALK AROUND MEAN MUGGING EVERYDAY....LIKE I AM VERY FRIENDLY I WILL TALK TO ANYONE ABOUT ANYTHING BUT LIKE I WALKED AROUND AND I FRONT....I AM LAUGHIN ALL THE TIME BECAUSE I AM TRYING TO HIDE THE HURT THAT I FEEL....I AM HURTING EVERY DAY BOUT JUS THINGS.....LIKE I TRY TO FACE THE THINGS THAT I HAVE BEEN THRU IN MY PAST I CANT SOO I HAVE TRIED TO FORGET THEM BUT I CAN NOT DO THAT....BUT IT IS AFFECTING ME... I THINK TO DEEP INTO SITUATIONS AND I AM ALWAYS FINDING A WAY TO RELATE EVERYTHING THAT I GO THRU TO SOMETHING THAT HAPPENED IN MY PAST...AND I KNOW THAT I AM WRONG FOR DOING THAT BUT I DONT KNO HOW TO GET OUT THE BOX...ITS LIKE I AM SITTIN IN THIS BIG ASS BOX...I HAVE JUST ENOUGH TO GET BY BUT LIKE I CAN NOT GET OUT...I SIT IN THE BOX AND I DEAL WITH THE SAME SHIT EVERYDAY....LIKE I LOOK AT THE SAME WALLS EVERYDAY....AND ITS LIKE I WANNA JUST STAND UP ND GET OUT THE BOX BUT I CANT SEEM TO DO IT...THATS HOW I FEEL ABOUT LIFE....LIKE I HAVE BEEN THRU SOO MUCH AND SOO I LIKE I HAD TO GROW UP FAST....ONCE I HIT THEM TEENAGE YEARS SHITTT JUST WENT ON SUPER GROW UP MODE....BUT LIKE I MEAN I JUST WANNA LET SHIT GOOO...IDK I AM GETTIN FRUSTRATED I CANT GET ALL MY THOUGHTS OUT...MODEL

TO YOU....

YEAH I AM SITTIN UP AND I AM WONDERING WHYYY I CANT SLEEP??? I CANT CAME TO THE CONCLUSION I CANT SLEEP BECAUSE I AM EXCITED FOR TOMORROW.....I DONT HAVE NUTTIN TO DO, I AINT GOING NO WHERE, NOTHING IS HAPPENING BUT I AM EXCITED BECAUSE I GET TO TALK TO YOU....I GET TO GO ON ONE MORE DAY AND SAY THAT I AM YA WIFE....I AM SOOOO HAPPY TO HAVE YOU IN MY LIFE...LIKE YOU MAKE SHITTT SOO MUCH BETTER....YOU MAKE LIFE WORH LIVING...I MEAN I ALWAYS WANNA LIVE BUT U MAKE ME WANNA LIVE RIGHT....LIKE WHEN I TALK TO YOU I CANT NOT DO ANYTHING BUT SMILE EVEN WHEN YOU GIVING ME ATTITUDE I STILL BE SMILING BECAUSE IT IS SOOO CUTE AND I AM SOO HAPPY THAT YOU CARE ENOUGH ABOUT ME TO GET MAD ABOUT SOMETHING....LIKE BABY I KNOW I CAN TALK TO YOU ABOUT ANYTHING I KNOW THAT I CAN CONFIDE IN YOU WITH MY DEEPEST SECRETS AND THAT.....MAN BABY YOU JUST DONT KNO HOW I FEEL AND I MEAN WRITING IT ON PAPER AINT GONNA EVER BE ABLE TO EXPRESS COMPLETLY HOWI FEEL....LIKE I WROTE IT ON HERE BECAUSE I WANT THE WORLD TO KNOW THAT I LOVE YOU..I HOPE THAT YOU DO NOT GET UPSET BY ANYTHING IN THIS.....BUT BABY BACK TO HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU....WHEN I AINT TALKING TO YOU I AM MISSIN YOU....WHEN I MISSING YOU I AM THINKNIN ABOUT U AND WHEN I AM THINKIN ABOUT YOU I CALL YOU TEXT YOU STALK YA DL AND MYSPACE PICS...LIKE BABY YOU ARE IN MY MIND AT ALL TIMES OF DAYS...I DO NOT HOLD A CONVERSATION WITH ANYONE WITHOUT TALKIN ABOUT YOU....I KNOW MY FRIENDS BE MAD BECAUSE ALL THEY HEAR ABOUT IS YOU NOW....I DONT ASK HOW THEY DOING IM JUST LIKE MY BABI THIS AND MY BABI THAT BUT I DONT CARE...I AM FINALLY HAPPY...WOW I NEVER THOUGHT THAT SOMEONE WOULD MAKE ME WANNA SAY THAT....I AM FINALL HAPPY...I CAN HONESTLY SAY THAT I AM HAPPY...I AM CONTENT WITH MY SHITT....LIKE BABY YOU MEAN SOO MUCH TO ME....LIKE SERIOUSLY I WOULD HAVE NEVA KNOWN.....SMH BABY YOU JUST IS SOO CRAZI....LOL...BUT ANYWHO YOU HAVE SUCH A BIG IMPACT ON MY LIFE....WHEN YOU UPSET I CAN NOT EVEN FUNCTION...LIKE WHEN YOU HURTIN I HURT WHEN U PISSED IM PISSED AND WHEN U SMILING U KNO IM SMILIN....LIKE WHEN I WALKED INTO THIS I SAID THAT WE GONNA BE ON THE SAME PAGE AND I AM NEVA GONNA FAULT YOU FOR THE PAST AND THAT I WAS GONNA GIVE YOU EVERYTHING I HAVE AND I DID....BABI YOU PRETTY MUCH HAVE ALL OF ME....LIKE I LEARNED GROWING UP NOT TO LEAVE YOURSELF OPEN.....BUT WITH YOU I AM SOOO OPEN LMAOOO....I LET DOWN EVERY GUARD THAT I HAVE UP......DONT GET ME WRONG I HAVE ISSUES ABOUT LIFE BUT I HAVE NEVA WANTED TO WORK ON CHANGING THEM SOO BAD TILL NOW...I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN LIKE WELL IF YOU DONT LIKE IT THEN FUKK YOU BUT BABY WHEN IT COMES TO YOU I AM LIKE I GOTTA CHANGE....I HAVE TO RESPECT THE THINGS THAT I NORMALLY WOULDNT BECAUSE I WANT THIS TO WORK SOO BAD....I WANNA BE WITH YOU SOO BAD....BABI I BEEN COUNTING DOWN THE DAYS TILL YOU GET HERE...I CAN NOT WAIT.....BUT JUST KNOW BABY THAT YOU ARE IN MY HEART.....YOU ARE IN MY MIND...YOU ARE MY EVERYTHING....I LOVE YOU TO DEATH....I WANNA SPEND THE REST OF MY LIFE WITH YOU......I WANNA BE UR BUST IT BABI CUZ I KNO I AM MAD GUTTA AND I JUST WANNA BE YA EVERYTHING.....I LOVE YOU ALWAYS.....CHARDAY <3

MON JUN162008----6:42 AM

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

OK SOOO I WANNA SAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY LITTLE SISTER MAYA... SHE IS NOW 10 YRS OLD.....AND THATS MY HEART.... EVERYONE BELIEVED THAT SHE WAS GONNA MAKE IT THIS LONG BUT SHE IS HERE.....THANK YOU GOD FOR NOT TAKIN HER AND ALLOWIN HER TO LIVE HER LIFE.....TO MY BABI MAYA...SINCE I LOVE YOU DEATH....YOU MEAN THE WORLD TO ME.....THE BEST SISTER IN THE WORLD.....I LOVE YOU.....


ALLL SOOOO MY MOTHER (REAL MOM) BIRTHDAY IS NEXT WEDS.....SHE IS OLD I DONT KNOW HOW OLD BUT SHE OLD...BUT ANYWHOOOO I LOVE U TOOO MOM...THESE LAST COUPLE DAYS HAS BEEN GREAT....WE HAVE BEEN GETTIN ALONG SOOO WELL AND I LOVE THAT...I WISH U ALL THE BEST ON UR BIRTHDAY AND I HOPE THAT YOU WILL MAKE IT TO SEE MANY MORE YEARS

IS IT TOO FAST

HOW FAST IS TOO FAST....I MEET SOMEONE AND I MEAN I BEEN KNEW HER BUT WELL WE ESTABLISH THAT WE SORT OF LIKE EACH OTHER....AND WE DECIDE THAT WE GONNA TALK...NOT GO TOGETHER JUST TALK TOO SEE IF THE ATTRACTION IS JUST PHYSICAL OR CAN IT POSSIBLY BE MENTAL....OH AND PLUS I HAD A GIRL....SO I MEAN WE JUST STARTED TALKIN....WE TALKED FOR HOURS ON END....LAUGHIN JOKING AND PLAYIN.....THE CONVERSATION WAS WONDERFUL....HER MIND STATE WAS SOOO PERFECT FOR ME....BY THAT TIME I WAS ENDING MY RELATIONSHIP WITH MY CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BECAUSE SHE DIDNT HAVE TIME FOR ME....AND I HAD ALSO MET THIS NEW GIRL AND I WAS DIGGING HER TYPE HARD....SOOOO ME AND MY GIRL ENDED AND ME AND THIS NEW PERSON BEGAN....SOOO SINCE THO TALK BEEN WE JUST BEEN SOO HAPPY....I LOVE TALKIN TO HER.....LIKE SHE IS JUST SOO LAID BACK......LOL BUT SHE IS A SWEETHEART....SHE HAS HER GOALS AND SHE IS DOIN SUMTHIN FOR HERSELF...AND SHE HAS TIME FOR ME....SHE IS THE FIRST ONE I TALK TO AND THAT THE LAST ONE I TALK TO.....SHE IS COOL WITH THE DERE0N FAMILY....WHICH IS THE PPL THAT I BE AROUND ALL DAY....AND THEY LOVE HER....I MEAN SHE IS THE SHITT....BUT UMMM MI QUESTION IS AM I SUPPOSE TO BE FEELING SOO STRONGLY ABOUT HER SOO SOON....BUT LIKE LOVE AND ALL THAT HAS NO TIME LIMIT I KNO..... BUT LIKE I DONT WANNA SET MYSELF UP FOR PUNISHMENT....LIKE I REALLI REALLI LIKE HER.....MANNN I DONT KNO..THATS MY BOO....

I CANT BEAT THE QUEEN......

OK SOOO I WAS TALKIN SHITT AND I WAS TELLIN THE QUEEN {TIA} THAT I WAS GONNA BUST HER ASS IN DOMINOS. SOO SHE HUNG UP ON ME {CLICK} AND WAS LIKE IM ON M WAY BYE. SOOO I SAT HERE STILL TALKIN SHIT....KNOWIN SHE WAS SHE WAS GONNA BUST MY ASS...I WANTED DETHRONE HER...KEY WORD [WANTED]....BUT ANYWAY SHE COMES...I HEAR A KNOCK AT THE DOOR....SO I OPENED AND SHE WAS LIKE HOLD UP...I GOTTA GET MY BRAIN FOOD......SOO THENNN I WAS LIKE I DONT CARE IMMA STILL BUST THAT ASS...SOOO SHE GOT HER FOOD AND CAME BACK AND WE STRATED PLAYIN.....AND GUESS WAT SHE DID......BUST THAT ASS.....I LOSE BY A WHOLE FIFTY POINT.....50 POINTS.....SOOOO I AM STILL THE PRINCESS AND SHE IS STILL THE QUEEN... IT IS OK THOUGH....AS LONG AS I HAVE A PLACE IN THE CASTLE......MODEL