SUM THANK YOUS

FIRST OFF I WANNA THANK THE MAIN PERSON THAT NEEDS TO BE IN MY LIFE WHOM I HAVENT KEPT THERE....THE ONE WHO COULD TAKE AWAY ALL MY ISSUES AND THATS GOD. I KNO THAT I HAVE NOT KEPT U FIRST IN MY LIFE AT ALL TIMES BUT JUST KNO I LOVE U WITH ALL THAT I GOT BECAUSE U TRULY ARE THE ONLY ONE THAT I NEED TO MAKE MI LIFE GO AROUND.....NEXT MY PARENTS (WOW I CANT BELIEVE IM WRITING THIS) EVEN THOUGH WE HAVE OUR MOMENTS AND I DISLIKE YALL 95% OF THE TIME IF IT WASNT FOR YALL I WOULDNT BE HERE. I WOULDNT HAVE MI LIFE OR ANYTHING. BUT EVEN THOUGH ALL PUT ME THRU A LOT I STILL LOVE YALL AND JUST SOO U KNO I HAVE FORGIVEN BOTH OF YOU. I DIDNT NOT FORGET BUT I WANT TO GET TO THE NEXT STAGE IN MY LIFE AND TO DO THAT I NEEDED TO FORGIVE YOU BOTH.....UMMMM WHOSE NEXT TOOO ZOE STRAUSSS. LMAOOOO U ARE JUST THE GREATEST. AND I DONT THINK THAT I TELL YOU ENOUGH THAT I LOVE YOU AND THANK YOU. YOU ARE TH REASON FOR MI BLOG THE REASON FOR A LOT OF THE THINGS I DO AND I KNOW YOU DONT AGREE WITH MOST OF THE SHIT I DO BUT YOU ALWAYS STAY BEHIND ME. YOU GIVE ME LONG ASS SPEECHES BUT YOU ALWAYS END WITH AN I LOVE YOU. DO YOU HONESTLY KNOW HOW MUCH THAT MEANS TO ME. BUT THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR JUST BEING THERE......TO THE DERE0NS. LMAOOOO THERE IS NUTTIN THAT I CAN SAY TO YOU GUYS BUT YOU ROCK...YOU GUYS ARE TRULY MI FAMILY AND YALL HAVE BEEN NUTTIN BUT GOOD TO ME. I LOVE ALL YALL WITH ALL MY HEART AND THERE AINT SHIT THAT I WONT DO FOR YOU GUYS. I MEAN YALL ARE MY BACKBONE LIKE SERIOUSLY. POPZ YOU MEAN THE WORLD TO ME YOU NEVA TALK DOWN TO ME YOU NEVA BE MEAN YOU JUST THE SHIT. EVEN THOUGH AT TIMES I AM SCARED TO TELL YOU U THINGS I KNOW THAT YOU ARE THE MOST UNDERSTANDING PERSON OF THEM ALL. PRAWFHETTE AND PRYCELESS LMAOOOO I FUKKS WIT YALL HARDER THAN YALL EVEN KNOW. YALL ARE THE BEST AND I MEAN THE BEST. I KNOW THAT WITH YALL WILL ALWAYS BE A LAUGH AND I WILL BE ABLE TO FEEL COMFORTABLE AND ACCEPTED WHEN I AM WITH YALL. TO THE REST OF THE FAM DONT THINK CUZ I AINT NAME YALL THAT I DONT LOVE YOU BECAUSE I DO. THANK YOU ALL OF YALL......TO UMM SHIT WHO NEXT SFP, TNK, AND ABN...YALL NIGGAZ KEEP ME GOIN...ITS ALWAYS SUMTHIN BUT I LOVE YALL....I MEAN I KNO THAT YALL RIDES HARD AND THAT YALL GOT MY BACK AINT SHIT THAT I CAN DO BUT RIDE BACK...LMAOOOO UMMM PUNKIE, MB, WET, AND KARMEN(I THINK THATS ALL MI KIDS) MOMMA LOVE U GUYS ALL DAY EVERYDAY. I MEAN EVEN THOUGH THE ONLY ONE I GET TRUE LOVE FROM IS MB....LMAOOOOO SIKE BUT YALL MY BABIES AND IF YALL NEED ME I AM HERE FOR YALL.....BELLAAAAAAAAAAAA LMAOOO U MI SIS/DAUGHTER IN LAW I KNO THAT I CAN TELL YOU ANYTHIN. YOU ARE LIKE MY EAR TY...SLICKKK YOUR CRAZY ASS MAN U FUNNI AS SHITTT U ALWAYS SEEM TO PUT A SMILE ON MI FACE.....BABIDADDI [RORO] TY FOR GIVING ME MY KIDS (EVEN THOUGH I ONLI ASKED FOR UH 2) BUT EVEN MORE THANKS FOR BEIN MI FRIEND. TY FOR BEIN THERE FOR ME EVEN THOUGH I SORT OF TURNED MY BACK ON U. TOOO THE REST OF THE FAM I LOVE U GUYS DEARLY AND TY.....MOM[KELLY] AND MI BROTHAS MAN YALL SHOWED ME THE WORLD...I KNO I WASNT WAT YALL WANTED IN A SISTA AND A DAUGHTER BUT I AM TRYIN....I MEAN I LOOK AT THE PICTURES I HAVE OF US AND I CRY EVERY TIME BECAUSE I LOVED YALL SO MUCH WHETHER IT WAS FAKING GETTIN HURT OR ACTUALLY GETTIN HURT AND THEN TRYIN TO GET MOM TO BELIEVE, MIKE TY AND LEN I LOVE YALL SOOO MUCHHH.....MANNN AND MOMMM YEAH I DONT KNO IF U KNO IT BUT EVERYTHIN I DO I DO IN HOPES TO MAKE YOU HAPPY....I HOPE THAT I AM LIVING UP TO THE DAUGHTER THAT YOU WANTED ME TO BE......TO MI SUPA HERO I KNO THAT YOU AINT THINK THAT YOU WAS GOING TO MAKE IT HERE ON MY THANK YOUS BUT YOU DID....YOU GIVE ME SO MANY LAUGHS AS WELL AS SOO MANY TEARS AND I THANK YOU....YOU MADE ME FEEL SOOO GOOD ABOUT MYSELF...YOU MADE BELIEVE THAT I WAS SUMONE SPECIAL AND I THANK YOU FOR THAT....YOU HELLPED ME REALIZE THAT I CAN LOVE AND THAT I CAN LOVE HARD......TO THE NEWEST PERSON IN MY LIFE (IM NOT SAYIN YA NAME CUZ YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE) I AM WAITIN FOR YOU TO PLAY YOUR JOKERS.....I DONT HAVE ANYMORE BOOKS IN MY HAND AND WE CANT LET THE OTHER TEAM WIN....LMAOOOO SIKEEE UMMM U KNO U NEEDED A PLACE ON MY THANK YOU LIST BECAUSE U ARE NEW IN THE PICTURE....BUT THANK YOU FOR CUMMIN TO MY LIFE AND MAKING SHIT A LIL BIT EASIER.....WAIT WAIT WAIT I FORGOT WELL I AINT FORGET WELL I DID....SIMBAAAAAAAAAA BABI I LOVE YOU TO DEATH...WE HAVE OUR TIMES WHEN I JUST WANNA CUT YOU OUT MY LIFE AND SAY FUCK YOU BUT I CANT...I KNO THAT YOU ARE THE FIRST PERSON THAT I CALL WHEN I AM HAPPY, SAD, HURT, IIGHT SHITT YOU JUST THE FIRS PERSON I CALL....I WILL ALWAYS KNO THAT WITHIN I AM IN THE PRIDE LAND AND THAT YOU WILL SAVE ME FROM ANY HEYNA TRYIN TO HURT ME....I LOVE YOU TO DEATH GIRL, YOU ARE MORE THAN JUST MI BEST FRIEND YOU ARE MY LIFE....UMMM IS THERE ANYONE ELSE....TO ALL MY FRIENDS AND FAM THAT I DIDNT SAY YOUR NAME I STILL LOVE YOU GUYS A LOT...YOU GUYS KEEP ME SANE WITHIN THIS CRAZY WORLD....THANK YOU ALL AND I LOVE YOU

MON MAY 26--5:46 AM

A LIL RANT ABOUT PPL AND THEY VIEWS OF MI LIFE

WHY DOES EVERYONE FEEL LIKE THEY KNOW WATS BEST FOR ME AND MI LIFE....I AM YOUNG YESS AND YESS I GOT A LOT OF LIFE TO LIVE BUT I HAVE BASICALLY BEEN ON MI OWN SINCE I WAS 12...SINCE MI MOTHER PUT MI ASS OUT AND I STEPPED FOOT INTO FOSTER CARE I HAVE BEEN ALL ALONE....I HAVE LEARNED THAT THE PPL WHO U THINK IS UR FRIENDS AND FAMILY ARE THE ONE THAT WILL FUCK YOU OVER THE MOST...THAT U CANT LOOK TO JUST ANYONE FOR HELP EVEN IF THEY SAY THAT THEY GOIN TO HELP YOU CANT ALWAYS TRUST THEM...BUT ANYWHOOO BACK TO WAT I WAS SAYIN BUT UMM YEAH EVERYONE WANT TO SIT AND SAY THAT AINT GOOD AND THIS AINT GOOD AND YOU NEED TO DO THIS OR YOU NEED TO DO THAT...LISTEN JUST BECAUSE THE SHIT MAY HVAE WORKED FOR YOU DONT MEAN THAT T IS GOING TO WORK FOR ME...JUST BECAUSE YOU WORKED A 9-5 DONT MEAN THAT I CAN....I AM NOT SYAIN NOTHIN ABOUT PPL THAT GIVE ADVICE BUT IT IS A MAJOR DIFFERENCE IN GIVIN ADVICE AND TELLIN A PERSON WAT THEY NEED TO DO....BUT I GUESS WAT I AM TRYIN TO SAY IS LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE AND LET ME MAKE MY MISTAKES...LET ME LIVE MY LIFE...LET ME FUCK UP....LET ME CRY AND BECOME HEART BROKEN...LET ME CRY AND FURTHER MORE LET ME FALL ON MI ASS TILL I CANT GET UP....I WILL LEARN BUT WITH PPL ALWAYS TELLIN ME WAT I NEED TO DO JUST MAKE ME DO THE OPPOSITE...THATS ALL BYE

MON MAY 26--4:57 AM

OK SOOO I THOUGHT I COULD HANG

I THOUGHT I COULD HANG AROUND AND BE HER DOOR MAT BUT I CANT...I BELIEVE IN YOU KNOW PUTTIN UP WITH ALL THAT I CAN AND DEALING WITH THE THE WORST JUST BECAUSE I KNOW ONE DAY IT WILL GET BETTER BUT I CANT RIGHT NOW....I HAVE TOO MUCH SHITT IN MY LIFE AS TO WHERE I NEED SUM1 STABLE IN MY LIFE TO BE THERE AND HELP ME ALONG THE WAY.....YOU TELL ME DONT CALL YOU FOR A WEEK AT YET I CALL U JUST TO MAKE SURE U LIVING AND WAT DO I GET...."OH WATS UP YEAH I GOT A HEAD ACHE SOO CALL ME TOMORROW" THATS ALL THAT I GET OUT OF YOU...ARE U SERIOUS...BUT YEAT SHE LOVES ME AND SHE WANTS ME TOO BE HER WIFE...MAN BULLSHITTT......THAT TYPE OF SHIT MAKES ME LOOK DEEPER THAN THE ACTUAL SITUATION AS TO WHERE HER VALUES ARE....LIKE IF THATS HOW YOU TREAT THE PERSON THAT U CLAIMIN YOU LOVE HOW DO U TREAT THE PPL THAT U JUST LIKE...OH WAIT UR HOMIES GET MORE TIME THAN ME....I MEAN LIKE I SAID BEFORE I DONT WANNA BE THE ONE THAT TAKES ALL HER TIME BUT LIKE I DONT EVEN GET A WEEK......SOOO I HAVE CAME TO THE CONCLUSION THAT IT IS TIME THAT I DO SOMETHING FOR ME....I HAVE TO LET GO OF THE THE THINGS AND THE PPL THAT ARE POLLUTIN MI LIFE....AND AS MUCH AS IT HURTS TO SAY SHE IS THE NUMBER ONE THING.....YESSSS I DOOO LOVE HER BUT I CANT DEAL WITH HER LIFE STYLE...I CANT HANDLE THE FACT WHERE I AM OUT OF THE LOOP AND NOT KNOWIN IF SHE IS ONLY LIVING.......BUT I MEAN HEYYY I MEAN MAYBE IT IS WAT IS FOR THE BETTER.....MAYBE I NEED TO LET SHITT GO AND THINK ABOUT JUST ME....THEN I GUESS I WILL FINALLY BE HAPPY....I NEED TO WORK ON SHIT FOR ME AND IF A PERSON AINT DOWN FOR HELPIN ME THEN I NO LONGER WANT THEM IN MY LIFE...IF THEY AINT WITH MAKIN SHITT EASIER I DONT NEED THEM BEING HERE MAKIN IT HARD....SOOOO I GUESS TO HER, I DOOO LOVE U BUT WE CANT BE....WE CAME FROM TO DIFFERENT LIFESTYLES AND I CAN NOT BE THE ONLY ONE TRYIN TO ADJUST MINE....BUT I DO LOVE U AND TRUST U WILL ALWAYS BE MI SUPA HERO.....BUT OUR RELATIONSHIP CAN GO NO FARTHER.....AND JUST SOO EVERYONE KNOWS NO I AM NOT BREAKIN UP WITH HER ON THE INTERNET SHE DOESNT READ THE SHIT THAT I TAKE MI TIME TO WRITE BECAUSE IT DOESNT FIT IN HER BUSY SCHEDULE OF SMOMKIN WEED AND TALKIN SHIT.....SOOOO YEAH THATS ALLL.......DUECES MODEL

MON MAY26--4:53 AM

A LETTA TO THE MAN I CALLED DADDI

I DREAMED OF THE DAY I WOULD MEET YOU. THE DAY I WOULD LOOK YOU IN THE FACE AND SAY "HEY DAD". WHEN I COULD BRAG TO MY FRIENDS ABOUT HOW OVER PROTECTIVE U WERE OR HOW COOL YOU WERE i JUST WANTED MY FATHER. I WANTED TO HAVE YOU IN MI LIFE SO BAD. tHAT DAY AT 11:16 AM THAT YOU CALLED MY PHONE I HAD THOUGHT MY SEARCH WAS OVER. THAT THE DREAM HAD FINALLY BECAME A REALITY AND THAT FOR ONCE I WAS COMPLETE. THE FIRST TIME I MET YOU, YOU WERE PISSY DRUNK YET I SAID IMMA GIVE YOU ANOTHER CHANCE AND I DID. I WAS ON YOUR SIDE FROM DAY 1. BUT THE KEY WORD IN THAT SENTENCE WAS THE WORD WAS. I AM NO LONGER ON YOUR TEAM. I WOULD SPIT ON YOUR JERSEYS. YOU ARE THE COMPLETE OPPOISTE OF WAT I DREAMED. I WANTED ME A STRONG DADDI TO KEEP DRAMA AWAY AND WAT DID YOU DO. YOU BROUGHT RIGHT TO ME. I WANTED YOU TO PROTECT ME FROM LIARS BUT YOU WERE THE MAIN ONE. JOHN YOUR A FUCKIN LIAR AND I HAVE BEGUN TO BELIEVE THAT YOU NO LONGER KNOW THAT YOU ARE LYING. THAT IS BOTH SICK AND SAD AT THE SAME TIME. I JUST DONT UNDERSTAND YOU. WAT DID I DO TO YOU?????

-------------------------------------MI FEELINGS ON EACH THING----------------------------------------

1.) DRUG HABIT---I WISH THAT YOU WOULD HAVE TOLD ME. I HAVE BEEN THROUGH SO MUCH SHITT WITH MY MOTHER AND DRUGS THAT IF YOU WOULD HAVE TOLD ME I WOULD HAVE BEEN MORE LOW-KEY. BUT YOU KEPT IT FROM ME AND I HAVE BEEN COMPLETLY HONEST WITH YOU. AND TO THINK I WAS SCARED TO TELL YOU THAT I WAS GAY SHITTTT U OUT DID ME ON THAT ONE. I PROBABLY WOULDNT OF RUSHED MY COMING UP HERE BUT I WOULD HAVE ACCEPTED IT.

2.) STEALING MY MONEY----KARMA IS A BITCH BUT DAMN. THE ONLY MONEY I HAD. I WORKED FOR IT AND YOU TOOK IT. THAT WAS SOO SOO LAME. ALL U HAD TO DO WAS ASK. BUT THAT IS MATERIALISTIC SOOO I AM I COULD CARE LESS BUT IS THE PRINCIPLE.

3.) FOOD STAMPS--- YOU PUT US IN A SUPER JAM BUT LIKE THE MONEY IT AINT THAT U SPENT THEM ITS THE PRINCIPLE.

4.)THE WALK AND THE LIES ABOUT THE CARD---I TOLD YOU THAT I HAVE ISSUES WITH MY HIP AND AT THE CURRENT TIME I DONT HAVE MEDICAL TO GO TO THE DOCTOR SO I CAN NOT DO NOTHIN TO MESS WITH THEM AND YOU MADE ME WALK ALL THE WAY DOWN TO WHERE I DONT KNO FOR U ONLY TO BE LYING. YOU MADE ME WALK LIKE A MILE. AND NOW I AM HAVING ISUES WITHT THEM TO WHERE IT HURT WHEN I WALK. YOU PUT MY HEALTH AT RISK AND YOU DIDNT EVEN CARE. YOU DONT CARE THAT I CANT WALK RIGHT NOW. JUSTAS LONG AS YOU KEPT UP YOUR LIE. BUT EVEN WORSE YOU LIED TO MY FACE. HOW LOW CAN YOU GET? I ASKED DID YOU USE THEM. DO YOU KNO WHAT YOU TOLD ME??? "WHY LIE NOW" AND I BELIEVED YOU.... SO STUPID OF ME. OH WAIT YUO LEFT $.24. SOMEONE GIVE HIM THE MAN OF THE YEAR AWARD. MAN FUCK YOU.

5.) LASTLY THE BIGGEST ONE IF YOU THOUGHT I WASN'T YOUR DAUGHTER WHY BRING ME UP HERE. fOR YOU TO SAY THAT I AM THE NEXT NIGGA BABY. THAT SHIT CRUSHED EVERYTHING THAT I HAD FOR YOU. THROUGH ALL THIS I STILL TRIED TO FIND LIGHT AND SMILE IN YA NAME. BUT NOW MAN GO AHEAD. A WASTE OF TIME. YOU JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE. THANK YOU FOR NOT HELPING ME ADD. THANK YOU FOR ADDING HEART ACHE BUT SINCE I AM THE NEST MAN BABY DON'T WRITE ME BACK. NO WAIT CAN YOU STEER ME IN THE DIRECTION TO MY REAL DADDY, A REAL MAN NOT NO LITTLE BITCH. BECAUSE THATS ALL YOU ARE.

BUT I AM ABOUT TO END THIS SHIT BECAUSE YOU LUCKY I GAVE YOU A LITTLE BIT OF TIME. THANK YOU FOR NOTHING. THANK YOU FOR THE EMBARRASSMENT OF MAKING FRONT PAGE NEWS. AND THANK YOU FOR THE LIES AND HEART ACHE. IF THEY LET YOU OUT AND YOU COME BACK I AM LEAVING. I AHTE YOU. MY PLAY DAD (WHO IS ACTUALLY A FEMALE) GETS MORE LOVE AND RESPECT THAN YOU WILL EVER GET! ANOTHER FUCKED UP PARENT ADDED TO MY LIFE THANK YOU. BUT JUST SO YOU KNOW I MADE IT 19YRS WITHOUT THE BOTH OF YOU PUSSIES AND TRUST I WILL MAKE IT. LAME ASS. I DO HOPE YOU GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER BECAUSE MY SISTERS AND YOUR GIRL NEED YOU. BUT AS FOR ME FUCK YOU.

I STILL GOTS LOVE FOR YOU BUT I CANT FUCK WITH YOU
CHARDAY

OHHH SHITTT LEMME INTRODUCE MISELF

HEY WELLLL THANK U FOR CUMMIN TO MI BLOGG.......MI NAME IS CHARDAY BUT I GO BY THE NAME MODELLLL....I DONT NOT MODEL BUT I HAVE THE BODY FRAME OF A MODEL AND I LOVE TO BE IN FRONT OF THE CAMERA SOOOO A GROUP OF FRIENDS GAVE ME THE NICKNAME MODEL AND IT HAS JUSTTT STUCK WITH ME......WELLL I AM 19 YRS OLD....UMMMMM WAT ELSE I LOVE PEPSI AND CANDY.....I AM A LESBIAN I DO HAVE A GIRLFRIEND BUT UMMM YEAH SHITTT IS ROCKY WITH US RIGHT NOW SOOO I DONT KNO BUT THATS MI BABI AND I LOVE HER...BUT ANYWHOOOOOO UMMMMM YEAH SOO THIS IS MI BLOG U GONNA GET SUM GOOD SHITTT SUMM BAD SHITT AND SUM OKKK SHITTTT......LMAOOOOO BUTTT UMMMM YEAH THANK YOU....MODEL

MON MAY 19 2008--4:30 PM

AM I NOT WORTH IT?????

I AM ALWAYS GETTING SECOND PLACE IN EVERYONES HEART......SO DOES THAT MEAN I AM NOT GOOD ENOUGHT FOR THE NUMBER 1 SPOT????? WHEN WALKIN INTO ANY RELATIONSHIP I ALWAYS HOLD A PERSON AT THE HIGHEST PLACE POSSIBLE....AT YET I AM THE "OK WELL I WILL GET AROUND TO HER WHEN I CAN" OR THE "PERSON THAT U CAN PUT OFF TILL TOMORROW"...AND I AM NOT..I DESERVE TO BE ASKED AT LEAST ONCE A DAY 'HEY ARE U OK OR DO YOU NEED TO TALK ABOUT SUMTHIN'...LIKE I KNOW THAT I HAVE A GOOD HEART AND I TRY TO STAY POSITIVE ALL THE TIME BUT RIGHT NOW I AM READY TO GIVE UP...THE WORLD IS A TOUGH THING AND TO HAVE TO FACE IT ON YOUR OWN IS CRAZY.....AND NO I AM NOT WRITING THIS TO COME AT ONE PERSON OR ASK FOR SYMPATHY BECAUSE I KNOW THAT IN THE END ITS JUST ME AND I NEED TO HANDLE SHITT ON MY OWN...BUT THEN I THINK WHY DO I HAVE FRIENDS...IF EVEN WHEN I NEED TO TALK YOUR NOT THERE.....LIKE THEN EVERYONE SAYS WELL IF THEY AINT THERE FOR YOU NEED THEM CUT THEM OFF....IF I CUT THEM OFF THEN I WONT HAVE NO ONE IN MY LIFE AND I WILL FEEL JUST AS LONELY AS I DID BEFORE I CUT THEM OFF....SO WITH ME DOIN EITHER I STILL FEEL AS IF I AM LOSIN......SO I MEAN WATS THE POINT.... I AM THE TYPE OF PERSON WHO U COULD CALL ANYTIME OF THE NIGHT AND I WILL TALK TO YOU OR IF NEEDED SOMETHING AND I HAD THEN YOU KNOW IT WA SYOURS...I COULD , YOU KNOW, JUST CHANGE MI WAY OF LIVING...I COULD BE THE BITCH THAT I KNOW THAT I HAVE IN ME....BE IN THIS JUST FOR ME AND SAY FUKK WHOEVER I HURT ALONG THE WAY.....SINCE THATS THE ATTITUDE THAT SEEMS TO GET SOO MANY PPL THAT I MEET ALONG....BUT THAT IS SOOO MUCH ENERGY TO BE MEAN AND NOT HELP PPL LIKE I DONT KNOW HOW TO BE LIKE THAT....BUT MY WAY OF LIVIN ISNT WORKIN...UGHHHHH I DONT KNOW.....I JUST WISH THAT I COULD FEEL I AM SPECIAL AND THAT I MAKE A DIFFERENCE...I WANT TOKNO THAT SOMEONE IS HAPPY TO HAVE ME IN THEIR LIFE AS WELLAS KNOW THAT I GOT SUMONE THERE TO BE ON MY SIDE BECAUSE AS OF NOW I FEEL SOO ALONE IN THIS WORLD OF SOO MANY PPL.....BUT YEAH I JUST HAD TO LET A LITTLE BIT OF SHITT OFF......MODEL

MON MAY 19 2008---12:00 PM