AM I NOT WORTH IT?????

I AM ALWAYS GETTING SECOND PLACE IN EVERYONES HEART......SO DOES THAT MEAN I AM NOT GOOD ENOUGHT FOR THE NUMBER 1 SPOT????? WHEN WALKIN INTO ANY RELATIONSHIP I ALWAYS HOLD A PERSON AT THE HIGHEST PLACE POSSIBLE....AT YET I AM THE "OK WELL I WILL GET AROUND TO HER WHEN I CAN" OR THE "PERSON THAT U CAN PUT OFF TILL TOMORROW"...AND I AM NOT..I DESERVE TO BE ASKED AT LEAST ONCE A DAY 'HEY ARE U OK OR DO YOU NEED TO TALK ABOUT SUMTHIN'...LIKE I KNOW THAT I HAVE A GOOD HEART AND I TRY TO STAY POSITIVE ALL THE TIME BUT RIGHT NOW I AM READY TO GIVE UP...THE WORLD IS A TOUGH THING AND TO HAVE TO FACE IT ON YOUR OWN IS CRAZY.....AND NO I AM NOT WRITING THIS TO COME AT ONE PERSON OR ASK FOR SYMPATHY BECAUSE I KNOW THAT IN THE END ITS JUST ME AND I NEED TO HANDLE SHITT ON MY OWN...BUT THEN I THINK WHY DO I HAVE FRIENDS...IF EVEN WHEN I NEED TO TALK YOUR NOT THERE.....LIKE THEN EVERYONE SAYS WELL IF THEY AINT THERE FOR YOU NEED THEM CUT THEM OFF....IF I CUT THEM OFF THEN I WONT HAVE NO ONE IN MY LIFE AND I WILL FEEL JUST AS LONELY AS I DID BEFORE I CUT THEM OFF....SO WITH ME DOIN EITHER I STILL FEEL AS IF I AM LOSIN......SO I MEAN WATS THE POINT.... I AM THE TYPE OF PERSON WHO U COULD CALL ANYTIME OF THE NIGHT AND I WILL TALK TO YOU OR IF NEEDED SOMETHING AND I HAD THEN YOU KNOW IT WA SYOURS...I COULD , YOU KNOW, JUST CHANGE MI WAY OF LIVING...I COULD BE THE BITCH THAT I KNOW THAT I HAVE IN ME....BE IN THIS JUST FOR ME AND SAY FUKK WHOEVER I HURT ALONG THE WAY.....SINCE THATS THE ATTITUDE THAT SEEMS TO GET SOO MANY PPL THAT I MEET ALONG....BUT THAT IS SOOO MUCH ENERGY TO BE MEAN AND NOT HELP PPL LIKE I DONT KNOW HOW TO BE LIKE THAT....BUT MY WAY OF LIVIN ISNT WORKIN...UGHHHHH I DONT KNOW.....I JUST WISH THAT I COULD FEEL I AM SPECIAL AND THAT I MAKE A DIFFERENCE...I WANT TOKNO THAT SOMEONE IS HAPPY TO HAVE ME IN THEIR LIFE AS WELLAS KNOW THAT I GOT SUMONE THERE TO BE ON MY SIDE BECAUSE AS OF NOW I FEEL SOO ALONE IN THIS WORLD OF SOO MANY PPL.....BUT YEAH I JUST HAD TO LET A LITTLE BIT OF SHITT OFF......MODEL

MON MAY 19 2008---12:00 PM